My Best Friend and I are in the Closet
by 21hrhn21
Summary: What happens when you accidentally discover you have perfect sexual chemistry with your best friend since birth? Spencer and Ashley are about to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm back bitches! -A **

**Ok j/k, so here's what really happened. I literally had a ton of Spashley stories saved on my computer two years ago and was working on all of them to some degree, and both of my incomplete stories on here were finished on my computer and just waiting to be posted. Until SUDDENLY... my hard drive fries and I lose everything. I was crushed. So crushed that I stopped writing, actually. I had like at least 1 million words of Spashley saved up on there. But recently I've been rewatching the show and I felt inspired to try again, so this is a rewritten version of one of the incomplete stories on my old computer. I remember the basic plot from about two years ago but beyond that I'm a little fuzzy, but we'll see where this goes. I literally just churned this chapter out over a period of approximately 30 minutes, like... just now. Nothing else has been written, so you have been warned. Hopefully I will find the motivation to keep going. Now time to resolve some stuff:**

**For fans of "All the Time"... there was one chapter left and it was an epilogue with a time skip that revealed Spencer and Ashley were happily living together while Spencer went to college. Paula and Ashley completely made amends, etc, everything was happy. I'd like to think that story was mostly resolved already, with what has been posted, since it's only missing one chapter, after all.**

**As far as "Don't Waste It" goes, that was probably my favorite Spashley story I've ever written and I am devastated I didn't get to finish posting it. But unfortunately probably less than half of it made its way onto this site before my hard drive fried, so I would just recommend not even starting that story tbh if you haven't already. I will say that Spashley got together in the end and Ashley became a better person due to Spencer's influence if that's any consolation. And the whole Carlin family accepted Ashley as one of their own, eventually.**

**Now onto this new story!**

* * *

_"While upon the 9__th__ state's ratification of the United States Constitution the document became effective immediately, this controversial 2/3 rule became null, as Rhode Island became the 13__th__ and final state to ratify the Constitution in May of 1790. Shortly thereafter-"_

"Oh my God, are you studying?"

Spencer plants her butt onto the floor beside me, and I look up and over at her with a frown as she stares back at me with mockingly wide eyes.

"It must be the end of the world."

"Or I have a test I can't fail," I correct her, noticing a few nerds in the distance glaring at us. I passed on a table and chair at the front of the library in favor of a quieter place on the floor in the back, but Spencer knows me well enough that it doesn't surprise me that she knew to look here. "And didn't anyone ever tell you you're supposed to be quiet in the library?" I point to the angry nerds, the poor things. "They're all going to fail because you can't shut your mouth, you know."

She rolls her eyes at me and leans over curiously. "So what'cha studying?" I hold up my book so that she can see the cover. It's American Government. "Fascinating."

"Glen told us the class was boring as hell," I remind her. "I was prepared for this."

"So prepared you're making a C?" she teases, spinning around on the floor and then leaning over so her head is resting in my lap while I'm still holding my book in the air.

"Shut up, dork," I retort, calmly resting the book on her face.

"Ow…"

"We can't all make A's, can we? It's like… Murphy's Law or something."

"Are you thinking of the bell curve? Because those are not remotely similar things."

"I'm thinking about how in every best friendship someone has to be the dummy. I'm just taking the bullet for you because I know your self-esteem couldn't handle being the dumb friend." I move the book just in time to see her roll her eyes at me. "However, in exchange, I also gladly assume the role of "the hot one", so we're even."

"You're so mean."

"Oh my God, I said you were smart, Spencer."

She reaches up and tries to get a slap to one of my cheeks in, but I jerk out of the way and snap my legs up to get her head off of me. She sits up with a pout.

"So why aren't you in class, oh smart one?" I question her casually, already trying to find the right page in my textbook again.

"Gym," she replies with no further explanation. I understand.

"Ah."

"With _your _boyfriend."

My nose wrinkles further to match the rest of my displeased expression.

"Can we please-" I start.

"Dump him?" Spencer finishes for me. When I glare at her, she has her knees pulled up to her chest and is resting her chin on them, her head tilted innocently to one side.

"Soon." I turn back to my book, trying to focus on a paragraph on the process of Senator reelections.

"How soon?"

"Just… soon, okay. I seriously have a test next period, and this is my only study break, Spence."

She sighs. "Alright. Sorry to bother you." She starts to stand up.

"Are you really trying to make me feel guilty right now? Because it's not gonna work."

"No…" she replies, drawing out the word even as she steps away.

"Okay. Well, bye."

"Bye." I hear her take a few steps away from me. "Here I go…"

"Again on your own?" I don't look up, but I hear a chuckle.

"I'll see you at lunch, Ash."

"Kay."

"I think they're serving mystery meat. Should be interesting. And possibly fatal if consumed."

"Kay."

"And if we survive it you should dump Aiden because he's a cheating asshole."

"K-" I pause, then look up to glare at her. She smiles innocently and I get an idea. "I'll dump him when you get a boyfriend."

She looks appalled. Both of us are perfectly aware that her dating history is zilch. Nada. Not unless you count Zach Harris in the 8th grade, who gave Spencer her first kiss and then was crushed when she dumped him a week later.

"I can't tell if that's a genuine offer or just you taking the opportunity to make fun of my love life," Spencer informs me.

"It's both," I clarify simply. "But I know it won't happen, so it was probably, like… 30 percent genuine offer, 70 percent just mocking you." I go back to my book and miss whatever face she makes at me.

"I swear I'm not hideously undateable," she defends a moment later. "I could get a boyfriend if I wanted one."

"Spencer, you're gorgeous," I reply sincerely, although I'm eager for her to leave now. The words in my textbook are starting to blur, I've been in here staring at them for so long. "We both know you're just picky."

There's a long pause before I hear a reply.

"Well… thank you." I hear her shuffle away. "See you at lunch?"

"Yep."

"Dump Aiden?"

"Ye-… Spencer."

The sound of her laughter follows her out of the library. So do the glares of everyone else in the library but me.

As crazy as she can be sometimes, not a day goes by that I don't look at Spencer and think, "I have great taste in best friends."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to all who read or reviewed! Here's chapter 2. They're shorter than I normally write right now but they should get longer soon.**

* * *

"Projected failure?"

I slam my tray down so hard I almost get mystery meat on Spencer's shirt. She winces.

"I'm predicting a C-," I correct through gritted teeth. "But close enough."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Waited til the last minute," I mumble out. I don't want her to feel bad but I do think I could've at least pulled a B had she not interrupted my time in the library. Still, as Spencer will remind me, there are more pressing matters to deal with.

I wait for her to bring up Aiden, but she just begins to eat silently, occasionally shooting me a look of something between guilt and concern. Or maybe it's a mix of both.

And just when I need head cheerleader, HBIC, _Queen _Madison Duarte's presence least, she shows up and makes my day worse solely by existing. Madison and I have never gotten along. I wouldn't be surprised if she's after Aiden just to get to me.

"Spencer."

Spencer's head snaps up and swivels in Madison's direction even as the girl stands over our table menacingly, hands on her hips. "Oh. Hey, Madison."

"Did Sherry fill you in on my party tonight?"

Spencer's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "No. What party?"

"The one I'm throwing. Everyone cool's gonna be there so if you wanna stay on the squad, make sure you are too. My house, nine o'clock."

Spencer nods, averting her eyes to her lunch tray. "Okay."

"You can bring your lap dog if you really _must_," Madison adds with a sneer in my direction. I give her a sarcastic smile and thankfully she leaves. My attention refocuses to Spencer, who already looks downtrodden by the news that her presence is required within a fifty-foot radius of Madison's disease-ridden bedroom.

"She's such a bitch. Why do you let her push you around so much?"

Spencer rolls her eyes. We've had this conversation before. "Because if I don't do what she says, she'll kick me off the squad."

"Is _that _why you're constantly doing her homework for her, too? Don't think I haven't noticed."

She fixes me with a glare; a real one this time. "Well it wouldn't be that surprising if you hadn't, considering all of the other things you evidently don't notice."

"Aiden's my responsibility," I snap back, careful not to speak too loudly. "I'll deal with him."

"When? After the _fifth _time I catch him leaving school with Madison after practice? Oh wait, that already happened."

My eyes narrow. "Just butt out, Spencer. I'll break up with him on my own time. It's my life."

"You should've dumped him after the first time. Get some self-respect," she insists, annoyed. Her words are uncharacteristically biting and I'm taken aback, unable to remember the last time Spencer was this coldly blunt about her feelings toward my relationship with Aiden. I have to bite back a snippy retort, and instead we both fall completely silent, the mood uncomfortable now. I let out a quiet sigh and reach up to rub at my temples while Spencer picks at her food, her eyes carefully avoiding mine.

Although Spencer and I are overly forgiving of each other and very rarely have serious fights over anything, Aiden has been a point of contention between the two of us for a while now. It was always just Spencer and me, literally from birth, until in high school, when other people started entering the picture. For Spencer, it was new friends in the forms of girls like Jonica, Lily, and Carmen, who showed up one-by-one over the course of the past two and a half years. They were each always nice to her at first, and seemed to tolerate me, until one day they just stopped hanging out with us and never spoke to Spencer again. I suppose that with the exception of me, most of Spencer's close female friendships have ended in clean breaks and bad blood.

For me, it's always boyfriends. In middle school, relationships came and went, but in high school was when I got my first serious boyfriend. My freshman year it was Johnny Phillips, Seth Lamay, Ben Fields, and a whole lot more. But last year it was all Aiden. Since he entered the picture, Spencer has spent a lot of her time third-wheeling it, and I know from experience that it isn't a pleasant feeling. Aiden makes Spencer feel the way her friends all made me feel, and I resented them for it too. Throw in the fact that she's caught him going off alone with Madison several times now and it's no wonder Spencer's pushing for a breakup.

I'm working on it. A fourteen-month relationship is a difficult thing to end, though, especially when it's by far my longest one. I trust Spencer and as a result of that I've been unconsciously distancing myself from Aiden over the course of the past month, but I need proof before I end things completely. Maybe tonight's my chance to get it at Madison's party.

I pull out my cell phone while Spencer watches me and try to remember Aiden's schedule. I think he's in his remedial math class right now, which means he's free to sneak in a text. _"R u going 2 Madison's party 2nite?"_

I pick at my mystery meat for a moment until my phone buzzes.

_"Ofc. Pick me up 9?"_

If Aiden's going, that means the whole basketball team will be there, including Glen. Spencer will probably ride with him, so that frees me up to stop by Aiden's without having to awkwardly balance the company of my boyfriend and my best friend. And if we show up at the party together, it'll be harder for Aiden to sneak off with Madison without me catching him at it.

_"K."_

Tonight should be interesting, to say the least.


	3. Chapter 3

Christine isn't home when I pull into the driveway after school, and she still isn't home when I'm done getting ready for Madison's party a few hours later. She's a serial dater, so it's no surprise she's out on Friday night.

My mom and Paula Carlin both met their future husbands in college: Raife Davies and Arthur Carlin. In fact, they met them at the same college; Paula and Christine have been friends since they spent their freshman year living on the same hall. They both got married within a year of each other, and then they both got pregnant around the same time, too. Spencer and I were born two days apart, and every year we grew up with joint birthday parties, and we spent hundreds of hours worth of playdates together as babies and toddlers. When Raife and my mom got divorced when I was four, we were forced to downgrade house-wise and so we moved into the house across the street from the Carlins, where we've lived ever since. Glen, Spencer, and I aren't carpooling tonight because Glen doesn't like Aiden, and Spencer's other brother Clay and his girlfriend Chelsea are bound to want to tag along to the party with Glen as well.

I pull back the curtains on my window to get a better look at the Carlin house. Glen's car is in the driveway now, and probably has been since about five o' clock, considering Glen's daily basketball practices and Spencer's weird urge to be on the cheerleading squad. Spencer's room is near the front of the house on the second floor, just like mine, and her curtains are drawn aside. I can make out her doing her makeup in the mirror across from her bed. She's so pretty. It's insane that she doesn't have a boyfriend. I know boys are all over her and I know it's her that's doing the turning down, but I never took Spencer for being _that _picky. I mean, I have standards too but that hasn't stopped me from dating.

Sighing to myself and shaking my head, I put the curtain back and go to kill some time watching TV. I grab the remote and collapse on the couch, then turn the television on. ABC Family. No, Amy Juergens, I don't care that you're pregnant. The Powerpuff Girls is on, but I'm not in the mood. _Aaand _there's two college girls making out while intoxicated on _Greek_. As familiar as I am with this situation, no.

"Ugh…" I turn off the TV and throw back my head, then tilt it so I can see the clock. I still have another hour before I'm supposed to go pick up Aiden. Hmm. Why don't I go bug the Carlins?

I hop up, grab my purse and my car keys, and march through the front door and across the street. I open the Carlins' door without knocking and call out, "PC, I'm home!"

Paula peers in at me from the kitchen and then smiles warmly. "Hey, Ashley. Spencer's upstairs."

I fake a dramatic scoff. "Who says I'm here to see Spencer? I'm here for _you_."

Paula laughs a little and rolls her eyes at me, but Glen interrupts us when he grabs me from behind and lifts me into the air. I let out a squeal and kick at him. "Hey, watch the hair! I spent an hour on this!"

"Alright, alright, geez." He sets me down and then spins me around. I see his eyebrows go up. "_Damn_, Ashley, you're looking _fiii -" _He sees what I presume to be Paula's expression over my shoulder and quickly corrects, "-like a lovely young lady."

I snort and Paula says, "Glen, help me finish making dinner for your father and I."

"But I'm not even eating it!" Glen groans out even as he moves to help her. I go ahead and head for the stairs, then peer into Clay's room when I see the door open on my way to Spencer's. He's straightening a bowtie in the mirror.

"I don't think it's that kinda party, buddy," I inform him. He jumps at the sound of my voice, then turns to look at me. He frowns.

"But Glen told me to wear this."

"Exactly. Have you seen what _he's _wearing?" A T-shirt and shorts would be the answer.

"He said he wasn't ready yet."

"T-shirt and shorts, Clay," I advise him. "T-shirt and shorts. When Chelsea gets here have her pick something out."

He sighs hopelessly. "Okay. Thanks, Ash."

I shoot him a grin and then proceed down to Spencer's room, barging in without any warning as is my usual modis operandi. Spencer squeals and hurries to hide herself, and I realize a moment later that it's because she's in a bra and underwear. When she sees it's me, she glares at me and doesn't bother covering up.

"Do you always have to do that?"

"Do you always have to be changing?" I plop down on her bed as she bends over to put a skirt on. "Ooh la la."

She gives me a look and I grin. "Pervert."

"Hey, I'm your bestie! I've seen you bra-less, remember?"

"We were thirteen!"

"You still had more boobage than I did, then." I look down and cup my cleavage with a pleasant sigh. "How things have changed…" A shirt hits me in the face and I hear Spencer laughing as I yank it off with a pout. "Jealousy is very unattractive, Spence."

"Oh my God, you're so full of yourself," she calls from within her closet, evidently having difficulty with top selection.

"Go with that cerulean blue one you have," I tell her helpfully. "It looks so hot on you. The boys at Flabison's party will be fighting for a dance with you."

Spencer laughs. "What did you just call her? And who says I want to dance with boys?"

"I've seen her stomach; it's not that impressive. And I do. Or I say you should. You need to have fun!"

"And boys are the only medium through which I can achieve this 'fun' of which you speak?" She pulls the blue top over her head and I stare at her.

"You are so strange."

"You're best friends with me voluntarily."

"Uh uh, not voluntarily." I wag my finger at her. "I was conditioned from a very young age to tolerate you."

She grins and shakes her head as she goes to check her hair in the mirror. "That's it, huh?"

"Yep." I collapse back on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. "But really, I can get any popular douchebag you want onto the dance floor with you. So who's it gonna be?"

"None of them."

I sit up abruptly, my voice taking on a whiny tone. "Why nooot?"

"Because I'm not interested in any of them."

"But Spencerrrrr," I groan out. "You don't know how frustrating it is for me that all of this-" I gesture in her general direction, "-hotness is going to waste. Hook up. Please. For me."

She turns, raising an eyebrow. "Let me get this straight. You want me to get with a guy I'm not interested in for your benefit?"

"You make me sound so mean."

She crosses the room and calmly places her hands on the bed, leaning over so that her face is inches from mine. I pout at her while she puts on her patented "Ashley's about to learn a lesson" face.

"I don't want a boyfriend. I didn't want one when I got slobbered all over in middle school. I don't want one now. And I won't want one next year, either, because high school boys are stupid and hormone-driven. And you, my kind-hearted yet misguided best friend -whose boyfriend is cheating on her, by the way- are going to have to come to terms with that." She pats me on the head and straightens up, heading back to the mirror. I make a groaning sound at her that makes me sound like a zombie.

"You're such a dork!"

"It's 8:45," she replies. "Go give Cheaty McCheaterson a ride to the party. I'll see you there."

"That's not even a funny insult."

"I'm not trying to be funny; I'm trying to be a good friend."

"Well…" I don't know what to say to that, so I just hop up and join Spencer to fix my hair. She smiles at me in the mirror. "Do I look okay?"

"Beautiful as always," she tells me, turning and kissing me on the cheek. "Hot friend."

"Thanks. I'll see you at the party, smart friend." I grab her hand and squeeze it, and then make my way back through the Carlin house and, after a quick goodbye to the rest of the Carlins, out through the front door.

Time to go deal with Aiden.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm really starting to get into this story now; I've gotten ten chapters written. Expect updates every 2-4 days for a while. Later on, update frequency will depend on how ahead I am with this story, because I don't want to post all of it quickly and then take a while to write more. I've finally gotten going with the main plot, though, so hopefully I'll find the motivation to keep writing. Also, a warning: this story is rated M so this should be expected, but there will be sex in this story. A lot of it, actually, for plot reasons. But if you're, like, twelve, seriously stop reading. **

* * *

I pull up to Aiden's house right on time and beep my car horn twice. A moment later, he's exiting through the front door and jogging over to the passenger's side of my car.

"Hey, babe."

He leans in for a kiss but I don't turn my head. "Hellooo…" He awkwardly settles for a kiss on the cheek instead. I ask him, "Excited for Madison?"

"Huh?"

"Sorry, Madison's party. Excited for Madison's party," I correct with an edge to my voice. I'm talented in the ways of passive-agressiveness. It's a skill.

"Yeah, of course. Should be fun. I hear she's got this gimmick set up in prep for Valentine's Day," he tells me. "It's supposed to be a surprise but a couple of the other cheerleaders already seem to know what it is."

"Intriguing. Well, whatever it is, I hope it doesn't require going near her."

"Oh, come on. She's not that bad."

"Yeah, well… I've heard rumors she's a great kisser, so."

Aiden does a double-take beside me, and I see it out of the corner of my eyes. We're both silent for a second, until he finally asks, "Ash, are you alright? You've been kind of weird lately."

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm cool."

"So you don't wanna talk?"

"Is there something we should talk about, Aiden?" I glance at him as a drive. "If we have an issue I don't know about, feel free to bring it up."

He stares at me with furrowed eyebrows. There's a long pause.

"I guess we're fine then," I declare. He sighs beside me.

"Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Why don't you just stay by my side at this party?" We're pulling up to Madison's house now, and I park on the curb in front. There are already dozens of other cars parked up and down the street. I undo my seatbelt and look to Aiden. "Can you do that? Can you spend a few hours with me without going off somewhere and showing up at my side an hour later without an explanation?"

He swallows hard. His jaw is tight now and I can't tell whether he's hurt or anxious. "Of course I can. You know I love spending time with you. I love you, Ash."

I don't know how to respond to that. I know I can't bring myself to say it back right now. "Well it certainly doesn't seem like it anymore."

"What are you talking about?" He's exasperated now. "You're the one that's been pulling away from me. You spend all your time with Spencer-"

"Don't you dare try to pin any of our problems on Spencer," I retort, immediately cutting him off. "She's always been my best friend, she always will be, and you know that. You knew how close we were going into this."

"I'm just saying," he starts with a sigh. "Do you know how hard it is to compete with something like that? That kind of history?"

"Jesus Christ, Aiden; I'm not dating her!"

"It's like being with two people in one," he continues, ignoring me. "Every guy that gets anywhere near the two of you knows that he's always gonna come second."

"That's not true."

He scoffs. "So if I told you it was between breaking up with me and losing Spencer as a friend, you'd choose me over her?"

"Wha- I mean…" I scoff back at him, shaking my head. "I- that's a stupid question anyway."

"You can't even be honest about it," he tells me, shaking his head. "And look, I've accepted it. I care about you enough that I'll settle for second best. But don't be surprised if every other guy won't."

"You are so full of shit," I retort with a bitter laugh. He looks taken aback. "You don't care about me at all. You're sleeping with Madison!"

His eyes widen and he's speechless. I shoot him a smug look.

"That's right. I know all about your little trysts with the head cheerbitch. Spencer's seen you going to her house after school. You told me you spent that time on extra basketball practice, Aiden."

He sighs in realization. "No, Ashley… Spencer doesn't know what she saw."

"It seems pretty cut-and-dry to me."

"It's not." He groans, rubbing at his temples. "She probably saw us and assumed that something was going on, but I've been helping Madison out with some stuff… she kind of wanted me to keep it a secret."

"What kind of help would _Madison _want from _you_?"

He looks pained. "I really can't tell anyone. I promised her I wouldn't. But _that's _what we've been doing when Spencer saw us leave school together. We're not sleeping together. I'm sure Spencer meant well, but she got it wrong."

I take a moment to let that sink in. "Oh." I furrow my eyebrows. "Sooo… you _haven't _been cheating on me?"

"No," he sighs out. "Just doing Madison a favor. And I know you don't like her, and maybe I should've said no because of that, but she really wanted my help. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I thought you'd be upset that I was spending time alone with her."

"Well… it certainly would've cleared things up if you _had _told me," I retort, punching his arm playfully. He pouts and rubs at it. "I've wanted to break up with you for, like, the past month."

He makes an offended noise and gapes at me. "No wonder you've been practically ignoring me all the time. I was wondering what was up."

"Yeah, well, now you know." I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh my God, I feel so much better now."

He grins. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." We share a smile and I see him lean in a little. He hesitates, probably already recalling how I wouldn't kiss him when he got in the car. My smile widens and I pull him in gingerly, kissing him.

We make out for a few minutes and then finally make our way toward Madison's house, hand in hand. There's loud music blaring across the property and beer bottles littering the front porch. We reach the front door and Aiden pushes it open. We're greeted with a mass of bodies and a wall of sound. Both of us right at home, we grin as he leads me into the crowd and we join in on the dancing. Pressed up against him, I try to mentally erase every negative thought and feeling I've had about Aiden over the past month. A misunderstanding nearly destroyed the most stable relationship I've ever had. I'm going to have to talk to Spencer about making absolute sure something's actually wrong next time.

"Do you want a drink?" Aiden's voice says in my ear a few minutes in. I nod at him and he motions that he'll be right back. The second he leaves, I look around for Spencer. It's crowded, but I manage to spot her nearby, talking to Chelsea and Clay in a corner of the room. As long as I stay nearby, Aiden shouldn't have too much trouble finding me.

I push my way to the corner and join Spencer, Clay, and Chelsea, shooting the three of them a grin when they see me. "Hey, guys! Why aren't you dancing!?"

"I don't dance!" Clay insists. I strain to hear him; we're all having to shout over the sound of the music.

"Chelsea, make him dance!" I tell his girlfriend with a knowing look. Chelsea nods at me.

"Oh, I will; he's just getting a reprieve while I have a drink!"

I nod at her to let her know I've heard, then reach out for Spencer's arm. "Hey, I have to talk to you about Aiden!"

She raises her eyebrows at me, and Clay and Chelsea take the hint and leave.

"How did it go!? Did you break up with him!?"

I shake my head vehemently. "No! He wasn't cheating on me!"

She furrows her eyebrows, looking upset. "What?!"

I move my lips closer to her ear. "The cheating thing was a misunderstanding!" I move away to see her shooting me a disbelieving look. She shakes her head.

"Is that what he said!?" I lean forward, unable to hear her, and she repeats her question. I nod at her. She shakes her head and immediately grabs my wrist, leading me away from the dancing and down a nearby hallway. I struggle against her, although I'm glad we can hear each other now.

"Spencer, I have to go back to the other room. He'll be looking for me."

Spencer laughs bitterly. "No, he won't."

I pause. "What are you talking about?"

"I know what I saw. Whatever he told you isn't true, Ash. Whatever excuse he made: he's full of it."

I sigh at her. "That's what I thought at first too, but Spence-"

"You didn't see how they were with each other," she tells me. "Are you really gonna believe him over me? I'm your best friend."

I fall silent at that, thinking back to what Aiden said to me in the car. "But… he's my boyfriend, Spencer."

She looks stunned by my reply, but before she replies, the music suddenly stops and Madison's voice echoes throughout her own house.

"Hey, is everyone having a good time!"

Loud cheers are the response. Spencer and I wait for what's next together. Spencer seems deep in thought.

"Alright, and as we all know, Valentine's Day's coming up in a couple weeks! Who's excited!?"

This time, she gets a mixture of cheers and boos.

"Well, you better _get _excited, chicos, because tonight, we're gonna pair you up with a potential match, courtesy of yours truly! Here's how it's gonna work: there's a closet in the hallway just over there, and it locks from the outside. These guys here are named Brett and Mike, as I'm sure you all know since they're, like, the stars of King High's football team. Anyway, they're_ way _stronger than any of you, and their job tonight is to kidnap people in groups of two and stick them together in that closet, where you'll be locked in for five minutes of fun!"

There are some murmurs of interest at that. I roll my eyes. Leave it to Madison to come up with some gross party gimmick.

"The only rule is that you can't talk in the closet, since it's supposed to be anonymous. If we hear talking, you'll be trapped inside for the rest of the night!" Madison declares. "So those of you that like to wander off alone, you better be prepared, because starting now, Brett and Mike are on the hunt! Good luck everyone, and have fun!"

Madison's speech ends and the music starts blaring again. I look to Spencer. "Well that sounds stupid."

Without responding, she brushes past me and heads toward the crowd in the living room, where the dancing has started up again. I hurry after her, confused.

"Spencer, where are you going?"

She doesn't answer and I struggle to keep up with her as she pushes through the crowd and finally arrives at her destination: Madison. I stop a few feet behind her and stare. Madison's dancing with Aiden.

Someone grabs me by the arm and spins me around, and I find myself looking into the face of one of Aiden's basketball friends. "Hey, wanna dance?" he slurs out.

"Did Aiden tell you to ask me?" I snap in response, pushing him away and storming over to Madison and Aiden. They look surprised to see me. "Is this what you were helping her with?" I snap at Aiden, a hint of sarcasm in my voice. "Did she not have enough experience grinding on disgusting pigs already?"

"Whoa, calm down, Ash," he replies meekly. "It's just a dance."

"Where's my drink?" I ask him pointedly. There's one on a table nearby and I grab it. "Is this it?" I promptly dump it over Aiden's head. "Thanks. Such a considerate boyfriend." I throw the cup at him, having already attracted the attention of several people nearby, who laugh at the look on Aiden's face. Madison, meanwhile, is glaring furiously at Spencer, who has her arms crossed matter-of-factly and is glaring right back.

"You're gonna regret that," Madison snaps at Spencer, already fuming. I think Spencer's smugness is only making her angrier. "You should've learned to mind your own business, Spencer. I bet you wouldn't like it if _your _secrets got out." Spencer's expression falters and Madison looks smug now. I just dismiss all of them and storm off, my mind already in search of strategies to cope with this emotional mess.

It's about time I had a drink.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry about the wait; my life got temporarily hectic. I will try to stick to the promised schedule as best as I can! Hopefully the content of this one makes up for the wait :)**

* * *

Halfway into my fourth cup of spiked punch, I start to wonder where Spencer went. Madison's got a vice-like grip on her and for whatever reason Spencer allows it, and Madison hates for her own cheerleading squad to ditch her parties. Combine that with the fact that Glen would never leave early and I'm Spencer's only other ride, I know she must still be here.

"I love you cup. Red solo cup." Too bad I might be too intoxicated to bother looking for her. "I love Spencer too. So pretty. Pretty best friend."

I feel a hand on my shoulder as I stumble to the stairway that leads to Madison's second floor. It's Chelsea, and she looks concerned. "Ashley, are you okay? How much have you had to drink?"

"This is number four," I inform her simply, pointing to the cup in my hand. "I'm fine, though, really." My eyes slide to a couple making out further up on the stairs. "Oh my God, so cute. Chelsea, why can't we have that? Why are you straight?"

Chelsea looks like she wants to laugh. "Ashley, you're straight, too."

"Heteroflexible," I correct her, and then snort, trying to hold back laughter. "Heteroflexible! 'Cause like, straight but willing to-"

"I got it," Chelsea cuts me off, tightening her grip on me. "Let's go find a bedroom somewhere, okay? I think you need to lie down."

"Oh, I love beds. Beds are comfy."

"Good. Let's find a bed."

I laugh again, thinking of Chelsea and me on a bed. But she's dating Clay, so no, that's wrong. "Where's Spencer?"

Chelsea shrugs. "I'm not sure. She wanted to leave but Madison threatened her into staying. If I were her I'd be hiding out until Glen leaves. If you want, Clay and I can go find her."

"Kay." Having Spencer with me would be nice. Spencer's so nice.

"But not until I get you some water, first," Chelsea adds. We finally find an empty bedroom and she helps me sit down. "Stay here."

"Okay, Chels. I love youuuu…"

Chelsea shoots me an amused smile. "Love you too."

She leaves me and I look around the room. I think it's a guest bedroom, because it's neat and there are no personal pictures on the walls or the tables. Letting out a loud sigh, I collapse back on the bed and look up at the ceiling, then finally close my eyes. It's been an hour since my first drink and I can feel myself sobering up slightly as the minutes tick by.

Finally, Chelsea comes back, a bottle of water in her hand. "Here, drink this. It'll dilute the alcohol."

"Thanks," I tell her quietly, chugging half the bottle down. When I'm done, I take a deep breath and lean against Chelsea. "Do you think I deserved Aiden, Chels?"

She scoffs beside me. "Of course you did, Ash. He's the one who didn't deserve you."

"But earlier tonight, he said something… that no guy would put up with dating Spencer or me because he'd always be second best. How am I gonna find anyone else? And is that why Spencer never has boyfriends? Because of me?"

Chelsea takes a moment to reply. "Well… I don't know why Spencer never dates. But I know Aiden isn't the good guy he pretended to be, and if an asshole like him can date you for a year, then any good guy should be able to do the same… without the cheating part, of course. Someone will come along who loves you, Ashley. There's someone out there for everyone. Your person just needs to be someone who understands you as… well, as well as Spencer does." She lets out a little laugh and gets to her feet. "Anyway, speaking of Spencer, I'll go and look for her now. Don't go anywhere."

I nod at her and watch her go, then slowly get to my feet and look around the room. There's a mirror in it and I try in vain to fix myself up somewhat. You know what they say: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. And if I could show up Aiden before the night is even over, all the better.

I straighten my clothes and touch up my hair as best as I can, and then check the time on the digital clock by the bed. Chelsea's been gone for at least ten minutes now. Maybe I should go look for Spencer myself. I can meet up with Chelsea later. Although she did tell me to stay put…

Shaking my head, I grab the water bottle and down the rest of its contents, then leave the bedroom and turn to walk down the hallway.

I hardly get five feet before an arm wraps around me from behind and a blindfold covers my eyes.

My first instinct is to put up a fight, and when I remember the size of the typical King High football players, I immediately give up. They're massive. I'm going into that closet whether I like it or not. "Relax," a deep voice tells me, probably sensing my apprehension. "It's part of the game."

As I'm led along by Mike or Brett or whoever, I start to consider the merits of participating in Madison's stupid little game. Pro: I've had alcohol, so I'll pretty much make out with anyone. Plus, it's the perfect way to show Aiden I'm having no problems moving on from him. That's a pretty huge pro right there. Cons: I won't know who I'm kissing. It could be the school nerd, or someone with terrible hygiene. In other words: someone I normally wouldn't be willing to kiss. But then again, there's the drunk thing, so… there's pretty much no one I wouldn't kiss right now. My boundaries left the building about two drinks ago.

A door creaks as it swings open and then a moment later, my blindfold is pulled off just in time to see the closet door swing shut behind me. The lock clicks on the other side and a voice from outside, the same deep one I heard earlier, says, "Remember: no talking."

I don't hear footsteps leaving, so I guess he's meant to stand there and listen for speaking. I could whisper, but then again, I don't know how thin the door is and I definitely don't want to get stuck in here. Plus I could be in here with someone hot, in which case, bring on the kissing.

My thoughts are interrupted by a scuffling sound from a few feet in front of me. I try to squint, but it's pitch-black in here and I literally can't see an inch in front of my face. I clear my throat to give Closet Guy an idea of where I am, then reach my hand out in front of me hesitantly. A shoulder runs into it a moment later and Closet Guy tenses. He's nervous. I try to hold back a grin, but then remember it's dark anyway and let it spread across my face. I feel almost predatorial right now. This guy has no idea what he's in for.

I take a step closer and boldly reach out for his other shoulder. It's lower than I thought it'd be; he's short. Just a little bit taller than me, actually.

I slide my hand down, meaning to get a feel for how well-defined his chest is, and abruptly hit boobs. My hand jerks away so fast I nearly smack myself with it. Oh fuck, this poor girl probably thinks she just got molested by some douchebag she's trapped with for five minutes. Jesus Christ.

Half-rolling my eyes at my predicament now, I quickly feel around for her hands and then matter-of-factly press one to my chest. "There," is my silent message. "Boobs."

She pulls her hand away quickly, but I can tell the mood is changed. We can both relax a little, knowing we're no longer at the mercy of some drunken brute.

But then again, I still have alcohol in my system. And girls are hot. Some girls are _really _hot. And how much of a middle finger to Aiden would it be for me to find a hot chick to make out with while he's stuck with Madison's bitch face all night?

There's a certain hesitancy on Closet Girl's part when she feels my hand on her arm again, but then I slide it up to her shoulder and over to her neck. She has hair that goes past her shoulders, I feel, and it's longer than mine. I brush it out of the way and let my fingers slide along the smooth skin of her neck. She shudders slightly and I feel my body tingle in response, just as fueled by the alcohol as my mind is. Okay, this is definitely happening.

I move my face forward, not one-hundred percent sure where certain parts of her face are until her breath tickles my nose and upper lip. Right, she's slightly taller. I feel her tilt her head down and finally her arms move. Both of her hands press into my waist, and just when I'm about to lean in further, her hands unexpectedly slide around, cup my ass, and then pull me up into her so that when our lips press together, she's smothering a gasp from me.

The moment we start kissing, I'm gone, my mind blank other than the quick command it sends to my hands to get them to cup her neck and cheek as we kiss. Her lips are soft and taste like strawberries and not at all like she's had something to drink, which is probably why her kisses aren't sloppy. Instead they're concentrated and calculated, pressing hard and then soft and slowly convincing me this is literally the best person I could've ever ended up in this closet with, and quite possibly the best kisser I've ever been with. Right when I was craving it she bites on my lip and I let out a quiet groan, pushing her back against the closet wall and pressing myself into her. One hand stays on my ass, squeezing it and making my hips jump into her, and the other comes up to tangle in my hair and pull my face closer into hers.

Our lips come together again and I nip at her bottom lip. She groans and opens her mouth and even as our tongues meet I'm sliding my other hand up and cupping her chest. She full-on moans then and her knee jerks up and presses between my legs. I let out a gasp into her mouth and hastily reach down and squeeze her thigh, then gently move it away. I've never gone _that _far with a girl before, and we only have five minutes anyway. I know she's following my train of thought because she smiles against my lips, like she's amused at the effect she's having on me. I shut her up by sucking on her tongue, silently reminding her that I'm not the only one turned on here.

There's a lot of sexual chemistry between us and it's obvious by the time we're wrestling for dominance against the wall. She's confident, the right amount of dominant, playful, and she kisses like she knows she's sexy. She pins me against the wall, finally, reversing our positions, and then kisses down my neck while I chuckle quietly. She shushes me and then sucks on my neck right where my pulse is. My head tilts back and then hits the wall hard. I don't even feel it.

A moment later, she's back up at face-level and grabs at my chin with one hand, pulling me in and kissing me again. "Shit…" I whisper into her mouth, letting her kiss me hard and fast and with more passion than I've ever been kissed with before. Who _is _this girl?

She pulls away a moment later to nip at my earlobe and whisper a soft, "Shhhhhh," into my ear. She follows it up with another nip and I quickly reverse us again, taking her bottom lip between my teeth and biting down. That drives her crazy, so the next chance I get, I do it again. It gets her moaning into my mouth and her hands on my chest, squeezing. I feel like I'm about to burst. She's doing everything right. We're kissing slow when I want to, then kissing harder just when I start to want to speed things up, soft when I want it, with tongues when I want it… we're so in synch it's uncanny, as though we already know each other inside out.

She moves away to take another breath and I press harder into her, exhaling into our next kiss. She stills her hands and I immediately groan out, "Don't stop…"

I mean, it's like we've known each other our… whole… lives…

Oh, fuck.

I tense and pull away almost at the same time she does, and whether it dawned on her the same time that it dawned on me, or she recognized my voice, I'm not sure, but about 2.5 seconds after we pull away it's clear to both of us that we're both right about what's going on here. I can already hear her breathing picking up, like it always does right before she starts crying.

"Oh my God," I choke out, not sure whether to try and comfort her or move away or puke or laugh or cry or try to repress every second of the past five minutes so that I never have to relive it again because _holy shit _was it good. But so bad. So wrong. "Oh my God."

"Time's up!"

The closet door swings open, light floods in, and all Spencer and I can do is just stare at each other, our eyes wide and our mouths hanging open in pure horror.


	6. Chapter 6

It's an awkward drive home.

I sobered up at record time the second we were out of the closet, and Clay drove Glen and Chelsea home way before Spencer and I left the party. I tried to confront Madison about what was clearly her way of getting back at Spencer and me, but Spencer stopped me for a reason I can't figure out.

And now we're alone in my car, heading back to our houses. The clock in my car says it's one in the morning, and I swallow hard to choke down the question I've been wanting to ask for the past hour and a half: _What the holy fucking shit just happened?_

Spencer and I are not those kind of friends. I make out with girls sometimes when I'm drunk and horny and Aiden eggs me on, but… but not _Spencer_. We were raised like sisters! And _her_… where the hell did she learn to kiss like _that_?! _I _can't kiss like that! And what the hell is she doing kissing some girl she doesn't even know? Her family's super religious. Spencer's the _last _girl I'd ever think would go near another girl. She's straighter than I am, and last time I checked I was pretty damn attracted to guys.

Also, hello, I just fucking made out with my best friend of sixteen years, and it was the best makeout of my entire life. If the entire planet Earth represents how turned on Spencer made me, how turned on Aiden ever made me is like, Rhode Island or something. Which is so unbelievably fucked up on so many levels.

Spencer's a girl. Spencer's my best friend. Spencer's my girl best friend, okay? And she's religious. And straight. And… she's fucking _hot _and kisses like a goddess.

"Fuck!" I nearly run a red light, I'm so distracted, and I immediately fling my right arm out in front of Spencer so that she doesn't go flying through the windshield. My car skids to a stop a good distance away from the intersection, and we're both breathing heavily now from the close call. I look over at Spencer and we exchange wide-eyed looks. I look down to my arm. It's resting across her chest. My eyes move back to Spencer's and we're both still wide-eyed.

I swallow hard and quickly take my arm back. My arm on Spencer's chest is taking me back to all the times I've seen her in a bra. Oh God, I've seen her boobs before.

"The light's green," Spencer says meekly from beside me. My head swivels to face her so quickly that she looks scared by it.

"Huh?"

She doesn't take her eyes off of me as she points ahead of us. "Light's green." Her voice is a whisper this time and I clear my throat, tearing my eyes away from her lips. I kissed those. A lot.

"Oh. Yeah. Okay," I shake my head quickly and let out a deep breath, stepping on the gas.

This will all blow over. It has to.

We finally reach our houses and I pull into my driveway and turn the car off. It sends us into a complete and awkward silence, and we both sit in our seats, carefully not looking at each other. I vaguely register that Christine's car is in the driveway, too.

"So." Spencer speaks first and I look to her like a deer in headlights. She stares back, looking somewhat… lost. "I'll, um… I'll see you tomorrow?"

Right. We have a test Monday in our one shared class: Psychology. We said we'd study for it over the weekend. She's staying over tomorrow night. "Okay."

She nods, then quickly gets out of the car and heads across the street. I duck quietly into my own house, certain Christine is already asleep. She's nice to me when I see her, but I rarely do. She spends all of her free time with Paula or with her latest boy toy.

I climb the stairs up to my room in a daze, and when I'm finally lying in bed and staring up at my ceiling, I can't even remember changing into pajamas, removing my makeup, or brushing my teeth. I feel… I don't know what I feel. I feel numb. It's hard to swallow, and my heart's been pounding a mile a minute for almost two hours straight now. I feel like my brain can't comprehend what's just happened. Everything I thought I knew and everything I thought about Spencer is being reevaluated. Like she's become a whole new person to me. I don't know how to handle that, especially when I'm reevaluating everything I thought I knew about myself as well.

Luckily, my body decides that my mind needs a reprieve, and within half an hour, I've drifted off to sleep. _Not _luckily, I don't get the reprieve I wanted.

_"Ash…" _

_There's a breath tickling my ear, and it's all I can feel for a moment. The rest of my senses slowly seep in through the edges of my consciousness, like I'm sinking into whatever scene is taking place in my life right now. I'm lying down. My eyes are shut, and my hands are above my head somewhere. Something else is touching my thigh and the weight of it slowly begins to increase as I become more aware of my surroundings._

_"Ashley…" I hear my name in the form of a whine-tinged moan, and then what can only be lips cover mine a moment later. Surprised, I raise my eyebrows but keep my eyes closed and kiss back. That turns out to be a very good decision. Whoever I'm kissing is a very talented kisser, and I feel my body growing warm with every caress of soft lips and flick of a warm, wet tongue._

_Finally, it registers that my hands are being held above me by another pair of hands, and the weight on my thigh is relatively human-sized. My eyes finally flutter open and trail from the bottom-up, beginning with where my thigh is being gently straddled and grinded upon, up past a toned, exposed abdomen and then to a bra, which immediately has my eyes skipping right up to the face of my partner. Before I can get a good look, my eyes instinctively reclose as I'm kissed again. It's slower than the last kiss, but with an air of seduction that I can guess must be purposeful. _

_I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when the kiss is broken, but rather than pulling away like I expected, the pair of lips brush mine and then form a slow smile that I can feel. I'm suddenly very aware of a wet spot forming right where my thigh is making contact with this…_ _well, _girl.

_The lips capture my bottom lip for a moment and gently suck while my eyes remain loosely shut, and just when I feel like I might start to lose coherent thought, a voice breathes into my mouth, "You better hurry up and fuck me, baby…"_

_My eyes shoot open and stare into Spencer's darkened baby blues. _

My heart feels like it's going to jackhammer out of my chest, and I'm breathing heavily when I snap out of whatever nightmare I've accidentally descended into. I stare up at the ceiling and take a moment to try and collect myself. A brief two-second clip of my dream flashes behind my eyelids and I swallow hard in the darkness.

"Fuck."


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up for the second time today to the sound of my doorbell ringing. My immediate thought is of Spencer, and last night's party comes rushing back to me, along with the dream I had earlier in the night. I clap my hands to my face and let out a slow, unsteady breath, my eyes squeezed shut.

"What the fuck is happening to me?" I finally groan out. The doorbell rings again and I slowly get out of bed. I double-check myself in the mirror, then quickly shake my head. "It's just Spencer." Just Spencer. Just Spencer. I just need to keep repeating that. My best friend Spencer. I can be normal. _We _can be normal.

It's Aiden at the door. I open it and blink at him. He's got a box in his hands. "Go away."

"You left some stuff at my house."

"I don't want it."

"Well, I brought it anyway." He offers me the box, and after a moment, I take it. We stare at each other. Neither of us knows what to say.

"You're a good liar," I finally offer up. He has the decency to not take it as a compliment. In fact, he sighs.

"Look, um… I'm sorry. But I meant what I said about Spencer."

I close my eyes. "Please don't make this about Spencer."

"You're never gonna put anyone above her, Ash."

"Don't call me that."

"I'm just telling you the truth. Everyone can tell." He stares at me and for a brief moment I wonder if he knows about last night. Madison certainly does, and so do those two football oafs who helped set us up. I wouldn't put it past Madison to swear them to secrecy and try to blackmail Spencer and me, though. "So good luck finding someone," Aiden finishes.

"I'll be fine," I tell him, already on my way to shutting the door. "Better start googling Chlamydia treatments, douchebag." The door slams in his face and I turn away, heading back upstairs and stepping into the bathroom to shower. I feel much cleaner when I'm done, in more than one way. No more Aiden. Now I just have to deal with Spencer. I've slept on last night and I don't have any more understanding of how it all could've happened than I did while I was lying in bed last night. But I haven't seen Spencer in twelve hours now, and there's always a chance that I could've just been caught up in the moment last night. Maybe the closet and my dumb dream were just flukes, and things will be back to normal today.

I spend an hour drying my hair and doing my makeup, and I've just gotten dressed and sat down for lunch when my doorbell rings again. Christine's gone again but there's a note on my counter that she'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Great.

I peek at the front door this time before I go to open it, not wanting another Aiden-esque surprise. This time it's Spencer. Her hair's straightened as per usual and she's in her usual jeans and a cute shirt. Her backpack's hanging over her shoulder and she looks nervous. I take a deep breath and collect myself. I'm the brave one. I take charge between the two of us, always. If I can act normal, she will, too. It's not a big deal. We didn't kiss. The sex dream didn't happen. No big.

I make my way to the front door and open it. Spencer waves meekly. "Hey."

"Hey." I smile at her and open the door wider, stepping aside. "Ready?"

"If you are," she offers playfully. My smile widens. This isn't hard.

"I'm not, but I never am, so whatever," I tell her. "I'll go grab my backpack from my room. As usual, raid the kitchen if you're hungry."

"Yep."

She goes to sit down at the dining room table and I go to my room, snatching my backpack up off the floor. My psychology book is resting on my nightstand and I grab it, too, and check myself out in my mirror on my way out before hastily berating myself for doing that. Just Spencer. _Just Spencer._

I'm back in the dining room a moment later. Spencer's flipping through her Psych book as I plop down next to her at the table. "It's page 335," she tells me. "Motivation."

"Awesome, that's easy," I say with relief.

"Mostly," she agrees. "It's more scientific in Psych, though. Like, you have drive-reduction theory and stuff like that, and different types of motivational theories, like incentive or instinctive theory." I must pull a face because she nods knowingly. "This is why we study things even when they sound simple." She looks down at her book, skimming for something, and I turn mine to the right page and then wait for her to explain. Her eyes scan the pages for a moment and I watch her read. She starts mouthing the words as she reads them every now and then, and my eyes drift down to her lips, watching them move. My thoughts shift to last night against my will and I feel my cheeks grow warm.

She looks up abruptly. "So I think-" She cuts herself off to blink at me and I can tell by the look on her face that she caught me staring. I just swallow hard, not sure what to say, and her eyebrows raise just slightly in genuine question before she finally licks her lips and clears her throat. She opens her mouth like she wants to say something, pauses and closes it, and then finally speaks. "Ash… are we…?" She hesitates, like she wants to choose her words carefully. "Are we ignoring last night?"

The question hangs in the air as I try to figure out how to answer it without blurting out everything I'm thinking and feeling. "I'm trying to," I finally say. It's simple, but it's honest.

She nods like she understands. "Me too." Her expression completely serious now, she scans my face for a moment before adding, "So if that's what you want, we can do that. Do you want to do that?"

I must open and close my mouth at least five times before I answer. Finally, I just shake my head in confusion. "I don't know."

Spencer bites her lip and sighs, staring at me for another long moment until she eventually shifts her attention back to her textbook. "So the five main theories of motivation. We have to learn all of them by Monday."

"Okay," I say, feeling stupid.

"There's incentive theory, which is simple enough: we're motivated to do things because we want external rewards. There's an incentive to do them."

"Okay."

"And instinct theory, that means our motivation is instinctive. It's based in evolution. Think about why some animals migrate." She flips through the book for another moment. "Then there's, um, there's drive theory, or drive-reduction theory, which just means that you have a physiological need and you're motivated to get rid of some kind of physiological discomfort. Like how we eat to get rid of hunger. And there's humanistic theory, which goes right along with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and we already learned that."

I don't remember anything about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And I'm not exactly one-hundred percent focused right now, anyway. "Okay. What's the last one?"

"The last one, um…" She turns a page and stares. "Uh, arousal theory." She looks to me and I feel so embarrassed. I don't know why. "But it's, um… it's a different kind of arousal." She swallows and her eyes move to a random spot on the table, like she can't look at me. "In this case, arousal means excitement, like… watching TV would cure some people of boredom, or in other words it would arouse them. Or running could cause arousal." Her eyes finally shift back to mine. "But it's not like… it's just excitement, um." I'm so focused on her lips now and I can tell she knows. "It's not… it's not like sexual arousal."

"Okay," I breathe out quietly. I can see her swallow and I know she's breathing through her mouth; her lips have parted.

"Ash?" I think I'm leaning in a little. "Ashley." My eyes snap up to hers and I can see her cheeks have reddened. "Did you get all that?"

I try to remember a word she's said. I can't. "Um. I have to go to the bathroom."

She almost looks relieved to see me go, and I quickly splash my face with some water once I'm bent over the sink in the bathroom. I can't fucking do this. I hate myself so much right now.

Straightening up, I stare at myself in the mirror and grip the edges of the sink. "She's your best friend. The rest doesn't matter," I tell myself aloud, very clearly. "Pull it together. She's a girl and she's your best friend. You're practically sisters. You _are _sisters." I dry my face off with the towel and sigh. "Just get through tonight."

I finally exit the bathroom and head back to the dining room. Spencer's standing up, packing up her things. My eyebrows furrow and I pause, across the room from her. "What's going on?"

"Oh, um." She won't look at me. "Well, I think you get the basics, and I actually have some things to take care of back home-"

"But we planned for you to stay here all day," I remind her.

"Yeah, but…" She sighs, finally looking at me. "I think maybe… we probably need some time apart. Just for the weekend, at least."

I furrow my eyebrows, hurt as we face each other. "But I don't want you to go."

She lets her eyes flutter shut and takes a deep breath. A moment later, she exhales and opens her eyes. "Ash… you're my best friend. What happened last night was a complete mistake."

"Okay," I agree immediately. "Yeah. I know. You think I don't know that?" She just looks at me with a shrug and doesn't reply, so I continue. "I'm trying to… I just… I don't understand what happened. Why did it happen?"

Spencer gives me another, bigger shrug. "How should I know?"

"Spence, you kissed a girl you thought you didn't know… And you didn't just kiss me, you… you _really_ kissed me," I remind her. "How… I mean, you've never even really kissed anyone before. You've never even had a real boyfriend."

She shrugs yet again. "I guess I caught on fast. I don't know."

I don't know what to do with a non-explanation like that. "Well… neither do I. I'm just… so confused."

"Me too," she says emphatically. "I just made out with my best friend!"

"Right?!" I agree, waving my arms for emphasis. We both stare at each other for a moment, looking half upset and half near laughter, and it eases some of the tension, thankfully. "So can we just… be normal? Please?"

"I want to," she insists.

"I do, too. So let's do it."

She nods, matter-of-factly. "Let's!"

We stare at each other, waiting for some sign of what to do now. Spencer lets out a tiny sigh and runs a hand through her hair, then sets her backpack down.

"So if we're gonna be our normal selves…" I finally propose, regaining her attention, "Can we totally put studying off until, like, Monday morning?"

She laughs. "You're so gonna fail." I shoot her a pleading look, and when she still looks disapproving, my lower lip slowly starts to jut out into a pout. "Okay! Okay. We'll cram later."

"Awesome. Movie Marathon Saturday is a go."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I finished writing this story! Unless I decide to change the ending and redo it, there should be 15 chapters in total. **

* * *

"So how does being newly single feel?"

Spencer's teasing me with the question and I throw a piece of popcorn at her with a mocking glare. "I don't know; how does it feel being perpetually single, Spencer?"

"It feels wonderful," she tells me, equally mocking. Her expression changes suddenly. "Oh my God, though, you almost didn't believe me about Aiden last night! Like, seriously, what was that?"

"He was so convincing, you have no idea," I tell her. "Which is even more amazing considering how stupid he is. Seriously, your girlfriend confronts you about cheating, you barely get out a convincing excuse in time, and then ten minutes later you ditch her to go dance with the girl she just confronted you about cheating on her with?"

"Told you he was dumb."

"I wasted a year of my life with that idiot," I sigh out, tossing another piece of popcorn up in the air and catching it in my mouth. I smile proudly, then look to Spencer.

"Ten out of ten," she tells me, giving me a small mock-clap.

"No wonder you've stayed single, though," I reply understandingly. "Although seriously, if we're being honest, you kiss like how fucking _God_ probably kisses. Must be natural talent."

Spencer smiles shyly, reddening from her spot on my bedroom floor a few feet away from me. We've marathoned three movies already: Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Big Fish. Now we're on 50/50. Distracting ourselves with movies all day has been helping ease all of the built-up discomfort about last night, thankfully. "I'm pretty sure what you just said was some form of blasphemy."

"Sic your mom on me," I dare her. She's the one throwing popcorn at me this time. "So mean."

"So how long before Aiden starts looking for the cheapest Los Angeles clinic?" she asks, changing the subject.

I let out a laugh so loud Spencer makes a face of amused surprise. "Oh my God, I love you."

She grins. "This is known."

I grin back for a moment before refocusing on the movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt just dumped his cheating girlfriend. "He's so cute."

"Even bald?"

"Bald can be cute, Spence."

"Oh yeah? On who?"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt."

She chuckles, getting to her feet. "You're dumb."

"Yep, we've gone over this. Where are you going?"

"Bathroom. Which kind of motivational theory?"

"Um… huh?"

"I knew you weren't paying attention. Drive Theory."

"Whatever you say." My eyes are still on the TV screen. Spencer rolls hers and then leaves. I immediately let out a sigh of relief, thinking back on the past few hours and how surprisingly normal we've been able to make them. "Congrats, Ashley Davies, you're not gay for your best friend," I whisper to myself, tossing popcorn into my mouth. The toilet flushes in the distance and a moment later Spencer plops back down next to me.

"What'd I miss?"

"He still has cancer."

"Still bald?"

"Yep. And it's still attractive."

An hour later, the movie's over and we're debating what to do next. "Should we go for another one, or do you think we'll be passed out before it's over?" Spencer asks.

"Let's shut it off," I propose. "We can change and then plot Madison's doom together."

"That sounds like a fantastic plan," Spencer agrees. I stand up and cross to my dresser, and Spencer grabs her backpack and moves toward the bathroom.

"I'll change in here."

"Why?" I ask absentmindedly, turning around. She stares at me, an eyebrow raised. "Oh. Okay."

She heads into my bathroom and I pull my dresser drawers out, pulling out a sports bra and a pair of tight shorts. I change into them in a hurry since Spencer evidently isn't keen on us seeing each other in our underwear, and have just turned the TV off and set the remote down on the dresser when Spencer comes out in a tank and shorts that match mine. She takes one look at me and declares, "You can't wear that to bed."

I look down at myself, vaguely amused. "What? Why not? We're practically wearing the same thing."

"You're wearing a bra," Spencer retorts defensively. "My whole torso's covered."

"What, are there, like, laws now?" I defend, trying to hide a smile. This whole conversation's absurd. "I always wear this to bed; I get hot."

"Well… you can put on a thin tanktop or something."

"Why?"

"Because," she replies insistently. I cross my arms over my chest, taking a moment to stare at her. Her eyes flicker down to my stomach and then back up to my face, and she reddens slightly. It hits me like a mallet: she's been feeling as attracted to me as I have been to her. She's just better at hiding it.

Unsure how to handle this information, I just look her up and down carefully. I want to test my theory. "You okay, Spence?" I let one arm fall to my side and bring my other hand down to just above my waistline. I rub at an imaginary itch and Spencer's eyes fall to my hand. Her lips part and she actually licks them. I can't help but grin proudly, and she instantaneously looks hurt and upset by my expression. My face immediately falls. "Spencer-"

"I'll sleep on the couch," she decides, starting to leave. I cross the room and grab at her hand, pulling her back into my room.

"Spencer, I'm sorry. I wasn't… I didn't mean to. It's not funny, it's…" I hesitate before finishing, "I just… I just thought it was only me?"

She shakes her head, avoiding my eyes. "I don't know what that means."

"It means I'm trying really hard to just think of you as a friend right now because I know how fucked up all of this is," I clarify. "So… I'm glad it's not just me. I totally thought I was turning gay or something, which is fine, but… you know, it's _you_." I let out a laugh and squeeze her hand, but she doesn't laugh.

"You'd be fine with being gay? Really?"

Surprised by her question, I take a moment, then shrug. "I mean… I guess. I know I'm not, so it's whatever, but… I don't know, last night was weird." I sit down on my bed, trying to articulate my thoughts. "I…" No, I can't say that. "Nevermind. That'd be weird to tell you."

"What?" she asks, curious now. I inwardly berate myself for saying anything in the first place. "C'mon, we tell each other everything."

"So if it's the same for you, you'll tell me?" I question suspiciously, facing her from my spot on the bed. She looks uncertain, but nods her agreement as she sits down across from me. We face each other, cross-legged. "You sure?"

"I'm sure," she insists, exasperated. She pokes my arm. "Talk. And then put some clothes on."

I sigh, forcing a small smile. "I, um… it's just weird, because… I've never actually, well… I mean… felt that way before, you know? With someone."

She just stares at me. It's clearly not clicking. I sigh again.

"It felt, um… fuck… it felt right, is what I'm trying to say. Like if it wasn't you, it'd have been right. But then it _was_ you, so it wasn't right, because… because I don't know, it'd be weird. But if it hadn't been you… it's just… It's like I can't merge these two ideas, of my best friend Spencer who I've known since birth, and my best friend Spencer who suddenly knows how to kiss me the way I've always wanted someone to know how to kiss me, and…" I shake my head, looking down at where my hand is picking at my comforter. Spencer's eyes are locked onto mine.

"And it's like there's this person who could be perfect for me, and it's you, and I know we go together but I never thought we could like _that, _and now the idea's just bizarre, but what if it wasn't, and… and throw in that you're a girl and your mom would kill us just for what happened last night, and I don't know what to think. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore," I finish with another shake of my head and a wince. "You can just forget I said anything."

Spencer's quiet for a moment, and when I look up at her, she looks like she's thinking hard, trying to take everything I've said in. My eyes drift across her face and I let out an aggravated sigh, adding, "And I can't fucking stop looking at your lips, and it's really frustrating, okay?"

Her eyes flicker up to mine, then, and I see the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Shut up, it's not funny," I snap, hitting her arm. Her smile just widens even more. "C'mon."

Finally, she bites her lip, evidently ready to speak. I watch her, my stomach in knots. I don't know what the hell we're doing right now. "Ash… you'll always be my best friend," she tells me. There's so much emotion in her voice. I nod emphatically.

"I know."

"I don't know what to do about this."

"Me either," I confirm, not looking away from where our gazes are locked.

She's trying hard to read my expression now; I can tell. "Are you scared?"

The question freezes me for a moment, and I look back at her while she waits for a response. It's Spencer. Just Spencer. For sixteen years, I've always been sure of one thing: when I'm with Spencer, I'm safe. "I don't think so," I say carefully, still not taking my eyes off of hers. "No."

She searches my eyes for a few seconds, and evidently decides I'm telling the truth, because eventually she tells me, "Don't freak out, okay?"

"About what?" I ask, confused. Instead of responding, she leans forward and closes the distance between us, covering my lips with her own.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, and continues to keep up with this story! I wouldn't do this if there weren't still people who continue to love SoN even after all these years. As a side note, that 15-chapter thing is looking pretty solid so it would appear there are six more to go after this one!**

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There's a stark contrast between kissing Spencer when I don't know it's Spencer, and kissing Spencer when I know exactly whose lips are on mine. This time, it's strange when I try to analyze it. I'm kissing my best friend, and it's weird, but it's comfortable, too, as if somehow those aren't two opposite things anymore, and it's also soft, and dizzying, and wet, and those are all good things.

Spencer's lips ghost over mine and she takes her time, teasing me, except it doesn't feel like she's teasing me, more like she's just trying to take it slow. In a daze, I bring my hand up to the back of her neck and gently pull her closer, silently letting her know it's okay for her to stop the soft pecks and kiss me harder. She knows, because Spencer has always been able to read me like a book, but she keeps things slow, drawing out kisses on my mouth until I let out a heavy breath and lean into her. It's like there's an invisible force drawing me to her. I want to kiss like we kissed last night. Instead, she pulls away and sighs against me, resting our foreheads together. I realize she's going slow for herself, not for me. I need to find a way to convince her to go faster.

My head is too fuzzy for me to even think clearly, let alone speak, so I just tilt my head up and connect our lips again. This time, mine are parted, and so are hers. Feeling shaky with nerves but also vaguely aware of a strangely pleasant feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach, I let the hand on the back of her neck slide up into her hair. My other hand brushes her side on the way up to her neck and she lets out a barely audible whimper into my mouth as my lips close down on her bottom lip. It sends such a strong wave of heat to between my thighs that it scares me. I can't handle this.

"Fuck, Spencer," I breathe out, abruptly disconnecting our lips and moving away from her. Her eyes flutter open in confusion and I see them dilate with arousal. It only strengthens the heat between my legs. "Why is this happening?" I ask her quietly, panicked. "This is so bad." I stare at her, tense and scared and waiting for a response, and she just stares back with that same lost look she had last night. My heartrate is spiking again. I want an answer. "Spencer. Normal friends don't do this. Normal fucking friends do NOT feel this way!"

She opens and closes her mouth for a moment. "I…" She looks like she's trying to sort this out, too. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" I deadpan, exhaling heavily. I can feel my nostrils flare and Spencer's expression turns to one of anger.

"This isn't just some homework assignment you can push on me, Ashley. I'm just as confused as you are."

"Then you shouldn't have kissed me!" I tell her, throwing my arms in the air.

"I thought it might help! And you kissed back, so don't blame this on me. I don't always have all the answers, Ash!"

"Well…" I swallow hard, stumped there. She's still glaring at me. "You're… I… don't kiss me again, then!"

"Fine!" She crosses her arms. "I won't!"

"Good!"

"Fantastic." She gives me a sarcastic smile. I try to think of a smart retort.

I cross my arms too a moment later. "And I'm not changing my top." There. I'm running on limited brainpower right now, anyway.

"Fine. I don't care."

"Fine."

Jaws tensed, we watch each other from opposite ends of my bed, both of our arms crossed and matching glares on our faces. Spencer cracks first, grudgingly looking away from me. "What now?" she mutters.

I shrug neutrally, still fuming a little. "How should I know?" My head is still buzzing.

"I don't know."

"You don't seem to know anything tonight," I tell her, hiding a smirk as my anger ebbs away. I can never stay mad at Spencer for long.

She quirks an eyebrow. "Neither do you!"

I roll my eyes at her, but now we're both sporting hints of a smile. "Whatever. Should we just go to bed?" I ask. I don't want to talk about what just happened anymore. Maybe if we just leave it alone, whatever's wrong with us will eventually go away.

"Probably," she admits.

"Okay."

After a moment's hesitance, Spencer finally sighs and moves to pull my comforter down, sliding under the covers and then looking up at me awkwardly.

"Are you coming?"

I chew on my lip and watch her for a moment. I can see her starting to get nervous and uncomfortable under my gaze. "I guess so, yeah," I finally say, and hesitantly move to join her under the covers. Our legs brush briefly and we both jerk away so fast that's kind of funny. Okay, actually, it's really funny. When I glance to Spencer, she looks like she wants to laugh, too.

"We're so weird," I murmur, leaning over to turn the lamp on my nightstand off. The room goes dark save for the moonlight coming in through my window. I can see the shadow of Spencer's face as she lets out a small laugh.

"Yeah."

"Maybe that's the explanation," I propose, half-kidding as I slip further under the covers. "We're both just weird. Maybe kissing inappropriate people is our kink or something. Maybe if you and Glen kissed you'd both be seeing fireworks, too."

She pulls a face. "Ew." I chuckle and there's a pause as we look at each other, heads against the pillows and grins on our faces, until Spencer's expression changes, her silly smile fading into something more serious, and she gently asks, "You see fireworks when you kiss me?"

My mouth suddenly isn't working.

"Ash." Spencer licks her lips and reaches out, her hand resting gently on my cheek. I know I look pained because she's watching me with a mixture of sympathy and longing. We both want to kiss each other again. Her thumb brushes up and down my cheek for a few seconds until my eyes flutter shut. I feel her finger brush across my lips and I pucker my lips gently, kissing it. Her finger moves away and I can practically feel her smile even though my eyes are still shut.

"Ash," she repeats. I don't answer. I know she wants to ask me something and I'm afraid of what the answer will be.

I'm afraid. That's it. That's how I feel about what's happened in the past twenty-four hours. But I'd never be afraid of Spencer, so what am I afraid of?

Spencer's hand slides from my cheek to cradle the back of my head, and I feel the bed shift briefly. I know what's coming even with my eyes closed, and I tilt my head up slightly so that Spencer's lips can easily access my own. My mind immediately stops whirring and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close, and this time I don't pull away when I feel arousal beginning to pool between my thighs.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So now that we've gotten to this chapter I can spoil this for you guys: this story has 15 chapters and like 1/5 of them are just Spashley sex lol. **

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Spencer's lips are on my neck and she can hear me panting directly into her ear. I know she can hear me because she's straddling my thigh and I can feel her getting wetter each time I make a sound. It's my dream all over again.

"Fuck," I murmur, the thought just occurring to me. Are we having sex tonight? Is that where this is going? Spencer's a virgin. "Fuck, Spencer."

She groans against my neck and sucks harder. She thinks I'm reacting to what she's doing. I suppose it doesn't matter, though, because I certainly am _now_.

"Mmhmm, keep doing that."

She doesn't listen to me. Instead, her lips move up and close over my earlobe. It's a good decision, if my whimper is any indication. I think I missed the point where Spencer was suddenly the experienced one and I became the nervous virgin, but it happened at some point in the last fifteen minutes.

Spencer's lips move back to my neck again. They're moving. Oh, she's saying something. "Do you?"

"I? Hngh…" I'm so eloquent right now. Was there more to that question? I think I missed some of it.

Spencer lifts herself up my her arms so that her face is above mine. She looks amused. "Are you alright?"

"I'm lovely," I tell her. "You should go back to what you were doing before I have another freak out."

She tilts her head to the side, smirking. I know she doesn't believe me. We've been doing this for too long at this point for me to bother panicking now. "I have a feeling you're okay."

What was I going to ask her? Oh, right. "Spencer, are we having sex tonight?"

Her eyebrows shoot up. She thinks about it for a moment. "I… don't know." She looks at me carefully, studying my expression. "Do you want to?"

"We shouldn't," I tell her quickly. "It's weird enough that we're doing anything. I mean, _normal_-"

"I think you need to stop worrying about what's normal," Spencer tells me, cutting me off with a sigh. "Normal friends, normal girls, normal people… we're clearly not normal, and we're both enjoying this." I don't think Spencer's lost look is coming back anymore. She seems to have figured this out sometime around my comment about seeing fireworks. "So just shut up," she says with emphasis, and I'm about to come up with something clever to say when she leans down and cuts me off with a searing kiss to my lips. It's a Closet Kiss, finally, and it says she knows I'm doing what she tells me to tonight. Her tongue slides into my mouth and flicks against mine and I groan into her mouth and wrap my arms around her. She pulls away abruptly and starts to say something.

"Okay, okay," I say immediately, wanting her lips back on mine again. "Fuck normal, whatever you want, let's do it. No more arguing, just kiss me like that again." If she's kissing me, I can't think. If I can't think, I can't dwell on the fact that I'm probably about to have sex with my virginal female best friend.

Spencer's lips slide down my neck instead and she sucks at my collarbone. I arch into her blindly and feel her smile. "Really. We'll do whatever I want, huh." Her free hand is sliding down to rub at my hipbone. I can't think. I'm so wet right now.

My hands reach up to cover my face and I let out a frustrated groan. "I don't know. I don't know. Spencer what are we doing?"

"Just relax." Her mouth is down at my chest now, her chin brushing against my sports bra as she kisses a path down toward my breasts. "And I think you need to lose some clothing."

Her lips leave my body and I can feel the panic welling up again. I'm just getting used to kissing. Are we really having sex now? I'm no stranger to sexual activity, but it's Spencer. "You virgin," I manage to babble, my hands still on my face. Spencer must realize what's happening because a moment later, my hands are being removed and she's staring down at me with concern.

"If you want to do this, then don't worry about that," she tells me softly, kissing me on the cheek.

"I don't know if I want to do it," I reply honestly. "I don't understand how you can be so calm about this."

She cracks a smile. "One of us has to. And look, Ash… I don't know how you feel about doing this with a girl-"

"That's not the problem," I cut her off. "I swear. I mean… it's weird because I think I'd be freaking out even more if it was just some girl, so it helps that it's you, but at the same time…" I force a laugh. "…it's _you_, Spence."

Spencer gives me another small smile, thinking for a moment. Finally, she begins, "My mom has two prerequisites for sex."

"Marriage and love," I recall, remembering hearing that particular lecture from Paula myself as well growing up.

"Let's be honest: we both know I was never waiting until marriage anyway," she points out. I nod, grinning. It's true. "And I love _you_."

I smile warmly as she reaches down to run her thumb across my cheek in a gentle caress. "I love you too," I tell her. "So much, Spence. You have no idea."

She nods, her smile coming back. "So then I have no problems with doing this with you."

"We're both girls," I remind her.

"Mom never said I couldn't have sex with girls." She smirks and I laugh.

"Because I think she assumed you never would. You're not gay. And since _I'm _not gay… I don't think anyone could've guessed we'd ever be in this situation." I reach up and cup Spencer's cheek. She looks deep in thought and I wonder if she's having second thoughts about doing this. "Spence?"

Her eyes find mine in the darkness. "Yes?"

"Are we doing this?"

She bites her lip and then looks down to my body. There are already hickey marks all over my neck and collarbone, and my nipples have made an appearance through my bra. "I want to," Spencer murmurs lowly, and looks back up at me.

If we do this, I'll have had sex with a girl. I'll also have taken my best friend's virginity. We'll have to hide this from our families and friends. And what if we want to do it again? Am I prepared to make my best friend a regular part of my sex life?

My eyes meet Spencer's and all of those questions go away. "Me too." I can't turn her down when her eyes are dark like that. I don't _want_ to turn her down when her eyes are dark like that. And besides, there's no room for me to hesitate right now. Spencer probably won't know what to do, and as the girl with the more extensive sexual history, I'll have to take charge.

With our decision made, Spencer nods and extends her hand to me, then gently pulls me forward so that I'm sitting up. She leans in and kisses a path to my ear. My neck rolls to the side as she sucks on my earlobe, and she then briefly pulls away to hiss, "Take off your bra."

The faded pulsing between my legs immediately starts going strong again and I let out a small gasp of surprise, leaning back to look at her. She raises an eyebrow in playful question and we share a brief look until I break it to look down at my bra. While she watches, I reach down to curl my fingers under it and then slowly lift it up and over my head. I think Spencer's seen me topless before at some point, but never like this. I toss the bra aside and it lands on the bedroom floor. I might be a little nervous now but there's no way I'm showing it. "Your turn," I tell her.

Spencer licks her lips, her eyes glued to my breasts, and then pulls her shirt up and off. It hits the floor somewhere near my bra and she reaches around to unhook her bra, removing it with the same confidence that I removed mine with. It's… sexy.

She tosses it aside and we're both topless now. I'm about to ask her what to do next when she leans in and presses a deep, searing kiss to my lips, sending me backwards until I'm lying down and she's on top of me and we're making out like there's no tomorrow. Her teeth nip at my bottom lip as she moves to straddle my thigh, and I briefly remember her reaction to me biting her lip in the closet. I reach up and grasp at her neck, pulling her down harder and briefly taking control long enough to gently sink my teeth down into her lip. She lets out a gasp and jerks forward, causing her knee to grind right between my legs, just once. I pull away from her mouth to arch my back and whimper. "Fuck, right there, Spence."

"Not yet," she breathes out, her mouth moving to my neck now and her hand racing to gently grasp one of my breasts. Her thumb runs over the nipple and my breathing picks up as her mouth goes lower and lower. Finally, her hand moves and her mouth closes over my nipple. My hands move to cover my face again and I let out a strangled groan, trying to grind down on her thigh and not getting the friction I need. Spencer's got me so desperate and so wet so very quickly and I know she can feel it, and not just in my movements. The evidence has soaked through my shorts and onto her thigh.

She finally leaves my breast and kisses down to my stomach. She reaches my belly button and keeps going. She's going lower and lower. My brain catches up and I actually moan aloud. "Shorts off," is all she has to say before I'm arching my back so she can pull the rest of my clothes off. And she does, taking my underwear down with my shorts and then spreading my legs with her hands once my clothes have been discarded. I manage to move my hands away from my face and tilt my head up to get a good look at her. She's busy looking between my legs, but the look in her eyes has me flooding there all over again. She literally licks her lips and I whimper again, my head collapsing back against the pillows.

"Spencer," I whine out, clenching my thighs together to try and get some semblance of friction. She must see my thigh muscles working because a moment later her thumbs are on each of my inner thighs, rubbing circles closer and closer to my center. I've never felt this desperate to cum before. I'll say anything. "Spencer, please please just _touch me_. Fuck, do anything, I don't care. Please-" I interrupt myself to let out an embarrassingly loud moan as her tongue abruptly buries itself between my legs and begins an assault on my clit that leaves me panting louder and louder with every stroke. Fuck, was she _looking _for it earlier?

"Ughnnn…" I groan out, grinding my hips into her on every other stroke. It feels so good. "Spencer you're so great at this, oh my God… don't stop, don't ever stop…" She moans into me and I feel more heat shoot straight between my legs. My hips jump into her and I reach down and blindly tangle my fingers in her hair, keeping her against me. She likes that; she moans again and her strokes get more frantic. Her arm moves and suddenly there are two fingers circling my entrance. Another moan passes from my lips as they plunge inside and then begin to frantically work in and out of me. I can feel myself hurtling towards orgasm at an overwhelming rate. My thoughts are a mess and I can't speak anymore other than to pant, gasp, or moan, and I'm squeezing Spencer's hair so hard I'm sure it must hurt. Fuck, I wanna cum so badly, I can feel it building. Almost there. Almost. My heart wants to burst from my chest and I'm panting so hard now. _Almost_…

Spencer's fingers curl up inside of me and I let out a moan that sounds more like a quick scream, arching my back and then tensing as the first wave hits me. Spencer immediately takes her mouth off of me and slowly continues working her fingers in and out of me, helping me through the waves that follow until eventually I sink back down into the bed, breathing hard and covered in sweat.

"Where…? How…? Fuck," I breathe out as Spencer crawls back up and hovers over me, licking her lips with a knowing smirk on her face. "Jesus Christ. Spencer. I don't… brain, mush," I inform her, making a weak hand gesture for emphasis.

"You sure you're okay?" she asks with that same smirk, calmly moving my hair out of my face while I try to recover.

"No."

She giggles. The more my brain starts functioning, the more I'm thinking about how I want to make her do what she just made me do. If she pulled that off with no experience, certainly I can do even better.

Getting my bearings, I quickly grab her hips and roll us over, surprising her. A second later, I'm on top, my chest still heaving while I stare down at her. "Your turn, Spence."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys! I've been pretty sick. I'll try to post the next update faster to make up for it, especially since shit hits the fan in the chapter after this one. **

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Spencer's eyes are dark and she's already breathing through her mouth by the time I've finished kissing down her neck and am nipping at her collarbone. I can feel her bare chest pressed against mine and I slide my free hand in between us to cup her breast. She arches into me slightly and I try to remember what she did to me. I'm still getting used to the idea of touching boobs that don't belong to me. I have no idea how Spencer pulled this off so easily on her first try.

"Use your thumb th- ah, yeah."

Luckily, I seem to be a quick learner.

One hand still on Spencer's chest, I kiss my way down to her stomach, nipping at a random spot just below her ribcage. She giggles and jerks slightly, and I peek up at her, removing my hand from her breast. She smiles at me. "Sorry, that tickled."

Okay, note to self: don't do that again. "So what should I do, then?" Do I just copy her step by step?

Spencer slides back slightly and then unabashedly removes the rest of her clothing. Both of my eyebrows arch up in surprise and I think she pretends to ignore my look. A moment later, she's settled beneath me again and we're both completely naked. Her eyes finally meet mine again, still dark and more smoldering than before. I swallow hard as she reaches down and takes my hand, guiding it downward. "Here, she says softly, pressing my fingers into the wetness between her legs. "Cross two of your fingers." I follow her instructions and she sits up slightly so she can look between her own legs, using one arm to hold herself up while her free hand guides my crossed fingers inside of her. I look up from the apex of her thighs to her face as my fingers slide in deeper, watching her eyes flutter shut and the way her eyebrows quirk just slightly and her lips part to let out a shaky breath. A warm, foreign feeling fills my chest as my eyes take in every slight change to her expression. My fingers finally fully inside, her eyes open to stare back at mine and I can practically feel the electricity between us. I uncross my fingers and curl them slightly and Spencer immediately reaches for my neck and yanks my lips to hers, moaning into my mouth.

I've never been kissed like this before. It's like I'm the only thing anchoring Spencer to the earth; the only thing keeping her alive. And even though I know that can't be true, Spencer makes me feel like it is. She's making me feel more special than anyone else ever has with just one kiss.

I'm so absorbed with kissing her I forget about my fingers, and she reminds me with a small whine into my mouth and a short thrust of her hips. Slowly, I start to push in and out of her. She breaks our kiss to pant as I fill her, her breaths tickling my ear. "Just keep doing that," she tells me, and I feel one of her hands start to make its way down her body. She sees my questioning look and reassures me, "Don't worry, you're doing- mmm… so well." She leans up and nips at my earlobe as I feel her wrist start to work in circles between our bodies. She's touching herself. "I like it harder, though."

"Fuck," I half-laugh out, leaning down and claiming her lips again. This time I nip and bite at them and when my fingers slide into her again, it's with force. I keep up a hard and slow rhythm with my fingers while Spencer's right hand is busy on her clit. Her other hand tangles into my hair and pulls my face down to hers, keeping our mouths battling for dominance. I can tell she's getting close when her tongue can't keep up with mine and her kisses grow more and more detached. Eventually, I give up kissing her completely after her hand loosens its grip on my hair. I ease back slightly to give myself more leverage and start to pound into her harder. She immediately tenses and starts to breath more heavily. I try to reach deeper and deeper with every thrust and when I get one good thrust in that hits the spot I was looking for, Spencer bites down on her lip and then tenses, arching slightly with a whimper as she reaches orgasm. Her hand stills and I watch her face as she lets out a few shaky breaths, slowing my thrusts to help bring her down. Finally, she relaxes and I join her at the head of the bed. She rolls onto her side to look at me, exhaling deeply. A lazy smile spreads across her lips.

"That was _really_ good."

"You did half the work," I remind her.

She grins. "I just wanted to help you out on your first try."

"I didn't help _you_."

She doesn't respond to that, just throws an arm over my stomach and snuggles up against me. I'm suddenly very aware that we're both still naked.

"Spencer," I murmur. She's pressed up against me, naked. We just had sex.

"Hmm?" She sounds like the epitome of relaxed. I can feel my heart beginning to pound faster.

"Talk me down before I freak the fuck out about what we just did."

She shifts immediately, sitting up to look at me. The sheet around her body falls slightly and I can see her boobs. My eyes shoot to them and then I hastily look away. "Ash-"

"We just… oh wow, we really did that. Oh man. That was really gay."

"Ashley-"

"Spencer, what if your mom finds out? I can't show up in your house after this! I can't look your parents when I've… I've… been _all up _on their _daughter_!" I tell her, gesturing to her for emphasis. She raises an eyebrow at me.

"And you're my best friend, Spence, and- and I just… I shouldn't have done that. I mean, it was good, it was actually great, but you were- we never… what do we even say t-"

I'm abruptly cut off by a forceful kiss from Spencer, who murmurs, "Shut up, Ash," against my lips and then slides her tongue into my mouth. I moan against her and kiss back for a moment before grudgingly breaking it.

"But Spencer-"

"Look." She takes a deep breath and makes sure we're making eye contact before she continues. "This will not be hard to hide from my mom, okay. We hang out all the time; we've always been best friends, Ash. As far as she knows, tonight was just like all the other hundreds of nights we've spent sharing the same bed. If you act normal, everything will be fine. Our families are never going to know if we don't want them to know. They won't even suspect anything."

I swallow hard, taking in her words. She's right. "Okay."

"So you just have to calm down," Spencer tells me, caressing my cheek with her thumb. "We slept together one time, okay?"

This won't be a one-time thing. No way in hell. The throbbing I'm still feeling from our last kiss says it all right now. "Okay."

"And as far as school, that's-"

Uh oh. "Madison," I remind her. Spencer's expression tells me she'd forgotten about that. Madison almost certainly knows we made out in that closet last night. "What are we going to do about Madison?"

Shit.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry guys :( I lost my internet for a few days. Definitely interested in hearing what you think of this chapter, though. **

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It's Monday morning and I can still see a few of the faint bruises on my neck and collarbone as I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. My eyes run down my fully-clothed body and finally I reach forward for my makeup, taking the first measures to hide what Spencer and I did Saturday night. I squeeze my eyes shut briefly, sucking in a breath as the memories flash behind my eyelids.

"Fuck."

It's only been a little over a day and I know Spencer is handling this better than me. She's calmer, more relaxed, and when she ran into Christine on her way out yesterday, there was nothing discernibly off about the way she interacted with my mother. I don't think I'll be able to look any of the Carlins in the eyes for a while, so the fact that Spencer can take this all in stride is baffling.

Finally finishing up my makeup, I leave the bathroom and gather my things for school, then head downstairs. Christine will still be asleep this early; it's not like she needs to work, anyway. She got all the money we'll ever need when she divorced my dad, after all.

I grab a banana for breakfast and then I'm off to my car as per usual. Spencer's already there, waiting for her ride, and it's the first time we've seen each other since having a night to sleep on what happened. She's leaning against my car, tossing an apple from one hand to another. She stops to take a bite out of it and then smiles when she sees me.

"Hello, hot friend," she greets me playfully. I know she's referencing our conversation in the library last week, but it feels more inappropriate now than it should. I force a smile and then wait for her to move; she's leaning against the drivers' side door. Spencer takes another bite of her apple and quirks an eyebrow. "You okay, Ash?"

"We're gonna be late for class," I point out, avoiding the question. Her eyebrows only go higher.

"Since when do you care about that?"

I really don't want to do this right now. It's early and to say that I'm still on edge would be a massive understatement. "Since now. Spencer, c'mon."

She eyes me for a second, and then finally pushes off of the car and takes a step toward me. I flinch away instinctively and she notices. Her lips turn down into a frown and she takes a breath, watching me for a moment. Eventually, she licks her lips and sighs. "Ash, it's okay."

Her words only make my heart start beating uncomfortably faster. "You're so calm about this."

She takes another step toward me and reaches out. She's trying to be comforting. "Because I know that it's okay." Her fingers make contact with my cheek and then move to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. I flinch away again and glance toward her house, across the street. She just watches me with disappointment. "I'm still your friend, you know."

"Can we go now?" I ask, ignoring her. I fumble with my keys for a moment before moving past her to unlock the door to my car. "We're late." I can feel Spencer's eyes on my back and I start to tense up again.

"We're always late."

"Well, maybe I'm tired of being late. Maybe the added stress is getting to me," I propose, straightening up as my tone turns biting. "Maybe I don't exactly need anything _else _stressing me out right now, _Spencer_," I snap, turning around to see a glare on her face that matches the one on mine. She shakes her head and starts to walk away.

"If you're gonna be like this, I'll just get a ride with Glen."

"You do that, Spencer. Just leave when things don't go the way you planned, right? I'm not all rainbows and butterflies and easy conversations after what we did, so bail when things get tough."

"Yep. Learned it from you," she throws out casually without turning around. It stings more than anything else could. The thing about having a best friend who knows you inside and out is that they also know how to hit you where it hurts the most, and Spencer just went for the jugular.

"Well…!" I can feel myself struggling for fighting words of my own as my face turns red. And it clicks. They come to me, suddenly, though it's as if they aren't from my head. Someone else has put them there. Or maybe it's my subconscious finally bringing sixteen years' worth of knowledge about Spencer to the surface. In that split second, I know without thinking what will hurt her most. It bubbles up without warning and I feel my mouth opening as she gets further and further away from me.

And I go for her jugular.

"At least I'm not a dyke!"

She stops walking. Panic wells up in me the instant the words are out of my mouth, and I can feel my heart racing beneath my chest. Why did I say that?

And for how long have I known, somewhere deep down, why Spencer never really dated boys? Why all of her female "friends" over the past couple years came and went with such finality? Why she never bought into Paula's religiosity the way Glen and Clay have, and why she kissed a girl with such ease in that closet Friday night?

Why she knew what she was doing when we slept together?

I thought she was so innocent. I thought maybe what we did could be okay, because it was just fumbly virgin Spencer and I'd never slept with a girl before. We were on the same page. We both didn't know what the hell we were doing, and that made it okay. But the reality was that _I _didn't know what the hell I was doing, and Spencer was right in her comfort zone. She knew what she was doing from the moment we were kissing in my bed.

And suddenly, I feel so, _so _used.

Spencer turns around slowly, fists clenched, and I can see tears already spilling from her eyes. She's so hurt, and betrayed. I've betrayed her. I don't even flinch, because she's betrayed me, too. I speak before she does.

"I hope you had a good time Saturday night, Spencer," I tell her, sarcasm dripping off of every word. She's looking at me like I have the ability to destroy her with one sentence right now. Maybe I already have. "It probably wasn't as good as all of the other girls you fucked without telling me, but after all, you got to bang your best friend with all that finesse _all _while still convincing her it was just a fun little experiment you could both try out. That takes skill."

Tears are streaming down her face now, and her words are thick with the telltale signs of suppressed sobs. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh yeah? Then how was it? Were you ever gonna tell me you liked girls?"

"You _knew_!" she shouts at me, without any warning at all. I bite down on my lip so hard I think it might bleed. "You've been my best friend for sixteen years! You had sleepovers with Carmen and I and you _knew_ what we were doing when we'd sneak off together, but you chose to ignore it because it was easier for you! Because _you_. Couldn't. Deal." She's getting closer to me with every word she says, and I grit my teeth and clench my fists as she continues, "So don't you _dare _try to fault me because I was too afraid to say something so personal to your face. Don't you dare try to act like it's my fault that you tried to pretend I was what you consider normal for your own benefit. And don't you _dare_-" Her voice cracks on the last word and she has to take a breath before she can continue, "-even _suggest_ that I was trying to deceive you in any way the other night. I didn't fake anything. I was just as lost as you were, Ashley. I was still doing all of these things with my best friend. Just because I… because I'm…" She takes another deep breath. I can feel angry tears gathering at the corners of my eyes.

"You can't even say it," I bite out. "It's just three letters and you can't even say it."

She wipes at her eyes furiously, and then snaps back, "You so scared of yourself that you can't even say _two_." She shakes her head, crossing her arms while my eyebrows furrow in anger and confusion. "You're not the only one with a best friend of sixteen years, Ashley. I see things too."

She's storming away, then, back in the direction of her own house, before I can ask her what she meant by that.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Two more chapters to go after this one!**

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It's Tuesday. It's also my first day back at King this week, since yesterday I wasn't exactly in the mood for school after what happened with Spencer. From what I can tell, she didn't go to school yesterday, either.

Madison and Sherry are looking at me, and it takes everything I have not to go confront them. They have their hands over their mouths, shielding their speech from view, and they're watching me eat lunch as they gossip to each other in annoying whispers that almost guarantee they can only be talking about one thing. Looks like Madison decided to share her little accomplishment with her mini-me, then.

I wonder briefly who else might know, but then there's a tray sliding onto the table across from me and Chelsea is sitting down with one eyebrow raised. "So I hear there's been a Spashley breakup. How long is this one gonna last; another five minutes, tops?"

I give her a small smile. "I don't think this one is like that, Chels."

She sighs, turning serious. "Yeah, Spencer seemed to agree with you." Her gaze slips past me to a table across the lunchroom and I follow it to see Spencer eating alone there. Her eyes jump to me without warning and our gazes lock. I swallow hard and she breaks it first, getting up to dump her tray and then leaving the lunchroom completely, anger radiating off of her in waves as she goes. Madison and Sherry see our whole exchange and burst into laughter at their table. I try my best to ignore them, returning my focus to Chelsea. She raises an eyebrow, oblivious to Madison and Sherry. "So… as the resident loudmouth of my favorite duo, you wanna tell me what's going on? Because I couldn't get it out of Spencer to save my life."

I just shrug and don't give her an answer. She smiles knowingly.

"You borrowed her favorite shirt again without asking, didn't you?"

As much as I like Chelsea, I want her to go away now. "Yeah. Something like that."

She nudges me. "So fix it. Look, things between Spencer and you have always been really… _intense… _but-"

"What do you mean by that?" I interrupt sharply. Chelsea seems surprised by my question.

"Well… emotions run high with you two, you know? But it's always the same. One little argument between you shoots you both straight up to a 100 on the anger meter, and then within twenty-four hours you're back to being attached at the hip again. It still kind of surprises me every time it happens. It's kind of…" she pauses, almost wistfully. "I don't know… sweet? Like I wish I had someone like that. Even if it's not on a conscious level, I like to think that it's almost like you guys need each other so badly that if there's any kind of imbalance in your relationship, you both immediately freak out and go into angry panicky shouty mode, so to speak. And then, you still want each other around so much that you'll get over anything to make that happen."

I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment, mulling Chelsea's words over. "But I thought every friendship worked like that. Nobody likes fighting. And you get over it as quickly as you can, so you can get back to being friends."

"But other people let their emotions get in the way. Even you. When you got into fights with Aiden while you were dating him, why didn't you forgive him right away so you could go back to being a happy couple?"

"Uh, because Aiden was an ass," I retort, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, but he was still an ass you liked," Chelsea points up. "You and Spencer are on a different level. You value each other way too much to let anything come between you. That's how I know you'll work things out. You're way too close and way too attached to each other to let something stupid get in the way. I mean, I don't know anyone else who spends _every _weekend having sleepovers, or anyone who'd blow off their significant other for their best friend the way you always used to put Spencer above Aiden." She gives me what I know she means to be a reassuring smile, but the last thing she's done is reassured me. Have our friends always considered Spencer and I's relationship _that _out of the ordinary?

Chelsea's standing up now, and I raise my eyes to her curiously. She shoots me another smile. "I know you guys will work it out. Just talk to her." She leaves, probably to look for Clay, and I swallow hard, pushing her unsettling words from my mind. My eyes shift back to Madison and Sherry now that I'm unoccupied. Their hands are gone from their mouths and they're still talking about the same thing, judging by the smirk Madison sends my way as she very clearly whispers a word to Sherry that has me standing up so fast that my chair topples over before I'm even halfway to Madison. "What did you call me?!"

The whole lunchroom falls silent and all the attention shifts to me as I stand over an uncomfortable Madison, my fists clenched.

"Geez, take a chill pill, freak," she retorts. "Sherry asked exactly when a certain _hilarious _event happened. I told her: Fri_day_." She tilts her head to the side smugly. "Would you like to reveal to our audience what we're talking about, since you got everyone's attention anyway by acting like the social retard we all know you are?"

"Would you like to reveal why your nose is bleeding?" I mock, barely giving her time to look confused before I punch her square in the face, hard.

An hour later, I'm getting sentenced in the principal's office with an aggravated Christine at my side. I've got a week of suspension with no chance to complete the work I miss during that week. It's worth it.

Christine gives me a ride home afterward.

"Jesus Christ, Ashley. What on Earth is wrong with you? You may not be the best in your classes, but I never taught you to be violent."

"You haven't really taught me anything," I murmur. I know she hears me because her fingers tighten on the steering wheel.

"Listen, I know I haven't been around much but-"

"Right. You haven't. So you have no idea what I'm going through right now," I inform her through gritted teeth. "I could be on drugs, or pregnant, or… or something could be really wrong with me, and you wouldn't have a clue. You're too busy getting involved in dysfunctional relationships with men who can't make you happy the way you want them to because they're too busy helping you bleed out every penny dad gave us. Have you given out any Ferraris this month, by the way?"

She's white-knuckling the steering wheel now. "How dare you."

"Yeah, I've been hearing that one a lot, lately."

"You are _just_ like your father," she tells me. I know it's not remotely a compliment. "Putting blame on everyone else for your own misgivings. Never taking a single thing seriously. Noncommittal. So busy judging everyone else that you don't take the time to consider who you are or things you could use some improvement on. Selfish, egotistical-"

"So flattering. I forget why we don't hang out more."

"I swear God himself must've put Spencer on this earth to help the rest of us deal with you because I certainly don't know how she does it."

I tense up at the mention of Spencer and get too lost in my thoughts to argue with my mother any longer. It's only been a day and even though we're angry at each other, I miss her and so I know she must miss me. And I know that my conscious realization of Spencer's sexuality shouldn't have happened the way it did, and that I shouldn't have said what I said, but I just felt so taken advantage of. I don't even have a problem with gay people. I never have. Paula, Glen, and to an extent Clay do, and that's something I know Spencer must constantly be plagued by, but I never wanted her to feel like I'd judge her. I don't know why I didn't let myself consciously consider that Spencer might like girls, because she's right. There were signs. There were so many signs, and so many times where she was clearly trying to tell me without outright saying it, even as recently as the night of Madison's party, when she let me know how uninterested in meeting a guy she was. I just never let myself give it a second thought. I can't even remember a time where she said she was straight, now that I think about it.

But I miss her so much that it aches. She's been a part of me for so long that now it feels like I'm missing an arm.

Chelsea was right about us. I know I have to find a way to make Spencer forgive me for what I said. So maybe the first step is forgiving _her_ for what _she_ said. Because her words did hurt, a lot. She knows all about how I gave up on having a relationship with my dad because it hurt me too much that he and my mom hate each other now. She knows about how one of Aiden and I's many breakups occurred solely because I couldn't handle feeling so head-over-heels for someone. I do walk away when things get tough to deal with, especially when emotions are involved. This situation with Spencer right now? It's my worst nightmare, and it's the most emotional situation I've ever been in. But if there's any relationship I'd do whatever it takes to salvage, it's my relationship with Spencer. She's the most important part of my life and I love her unconditionally, even if I'm angry at her right now.

I can't lose her. She's the only thing that keeps me sane. I need her.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: To the reviewer that asked, yes I am a Pretty Little Liars fan and yes that reference in my first A/N was intentional haha :)**

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There's an old rope ladder that Arthur set up around the side of the Carlin's house when Spencer and I were in elementary school. It leads right up to Spencer's balcony, and she and I used to think it was the coolest thing that we could get straight up to her room from outside if we wanted just by climbing a ladder. She never took it down, and it's still there. I suck at climbing, but I'm willing to give it a try.

Outside of Spencer's house at just past midnight, I take off my heels and then toss them onto the grass, then give the ladder an experimental tug. Hesitantly, I get my feet onto the first rung and then cling to the ladder, letting it hold my full weight. It doesn't snap, so I must be good.

Ten tries and a couple of skin burns later, I've left my shoes behind and am up on the balcony with red hands and grass stains on my clothes. Spencer's got a glass door that slides open, but when I try it, it's locked. I can see her sleeping inside, her back to me. Hesitantly, I knock on the glass a couple of times. She stirs but doesn't get up. I knock harder and she rolls over, then squints at me. After a moment, she sits up and stares. I know she's wondering whether or not she should even let me in. I also know she will.

Finally, she sighs visibly and gets up, padding over to me and then sliding the door open. "What are you doing?"

I feel sheepish all of a sudden. "Climbed the ladder thing."

She just looks even more confused. She's still squinty-eyed. "We haven't done that in at least five years."

"Well… evidently it's still functional." There's silence now, and I watch her carefully. "Can I come in? We need to talk."

She swallows hard, suddenly tense, and after a hard look at me, she finally sighs and walks away, leaving the door open for me to follow her. She sits down on the bed and I join her as we face each other.

"So talk."

I take a moment to think about how to start. "What you said really hurt me."

"You didn't exactly make me feel any better."

"I know. But I only said what I said because I was hurt. You know better than anyone that when I'm vulnerable, I lash out," I point out. She doesn't say anything, so I go on. "And Spencer, please, _please _tell me that you know I have no problems with you liking girls. I just… I wanted you to feel the way you made me feel. I know that I'm not good with dealing with tough situations. I like it when things are easy, and simple, and… and it feels like nothing in my life ever is. What happened with us made no sense to me and a large part of that was because you're a girl, and it helped that…" I pause, trying to collect the jumble of thoughts in my head.

"I just… I felt like I could relate to you because obviously we were going through all of the same confusion, with both of us feeling like we did toward not only our best friend, but another girl… and I thought that we were on the same page, that we were in it together, and now I feel like you had leverage over me. Like you only had to deal with half the issues I had to because you already had the girl thing covered. Not to mention that I thought we were on the same page sexually and that clearly wasn't true either so… I felt _used _and-"

"Ashley," she finally interrupts, "you have to stop thinking about it like that. All I was thinking about that night was that I was enjoying kissing my best friend, and trust me, that's plenty confusing on its own. I had no idea what I was doing either."

"Well, it certainly didn't feel like it," I murmur, half-kidding. It gets her to crack a small smile.

"I know." She watches me for a moment before finally proposing, "So I'll forgive you for the gay slur and for accusing me of taking advantage of you, if _you_ forgive _me_ for saying you always give up when things get tough, and… for not being as honest with you as I could've been given the circumstances."

"Okay," I agree immediately, relief washing over me. "I'll agree to anything. I just want us to be okay again, Spence."

She nods, her smile small but sincere. "Me too."

We watch each other for a moment, and the silence is just about to last too long when I abruptly remember the end of our fight. "…Can I ask you something, Spencer?"

She nods, waiting for me to continue.

"What did you mean when you said that I was scared? And that you see things, too? What were you talking about?"

Spencer's eyebrows briefly rise in surprise for a moment before she hastily shakes her head. "Oh, that was nothing. I probably just thought it sounded cool at the time or something."

"Probably?"

She forces a smile, then gives me a short nod. "Yeah. Don't worry about it."

I just watch her knowingly. "I can tell you're lying, Spence."

"It's one in the morning, Ash," she sighs out, changing the subject so obviously that I roll my eyes.

"Okay, fine. So let me ask another question…" I pause for effect. She looks mildly annoyed, but I can tell she's not angry at me anymore, at least. "How many girlfriends have you had?"

She groans audibly, then ignores my question. "I don't want to talk about this right now. We have school tomorrow. We should both go to bed."

"I don't," I correct. "I got suspended today."

She pauses at that. "What? Why?"

I hesitate for a moment. "I thought Madison was saying something about, um… you know, she and Sherry were talking about the closet thing at lunch after you left, and I got into a little tiff with Madison over it."

Spencer looks dead serious now. "What did you do?"

I smile sheepishly. "I may have punched her."

I'm trying to turn this into a joke, but Spencer doesn't seem to think it's funny at all. "Please tell me you're exaggerating."

My smile fades. "They had to take her to the nurse; her nose was bleeding pretty badly. I mean, so were my knuckles but no one seemed to-"

"Oh my God, you didn't." She's got an expression on her face I've never seen before. She looks terrified.

"Spencer, what-?"

"You made her angry; she's going to tell everyone," Spencer interrupts, her breathing picking up. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Spencer, even if she does, it was a lame party gag. For all everyone knew, we were drunk. We can shrug it off."

Spencer just shakes her head. She's starting to cry now and I'm so lost. "Last year, Madison walked in on Carmen and me in one of the school bathrooms. I've been doing everything I can to keep her quiet. Her laundry, her homework… I clean up _every _day after cheerleading practice and do everything she says. If my family finds out…"

I just stare at her, slack-jawed. "Spencer, I had no idea."

"I'm lucky she didn't tell anyone when I told you about her and Aiden, but I couldn't let them do that to you, I had to tell you-" I nod to let her know I understand, wiping at her tears with my thumb. "But after this? There's no way she won't say something tomorrow."

"So we tell someone," I suggest hastily. "Maybe the principal. It has to be bullying or something, right? She's been blackmailing you."

"And have the principal tell my parents? Yeah, right." She shakes her head and pushes my arm away when I try to wipe the rest of her tears away.

"Spencer-"

"Ash, I think you should go," she tells me, refusing to look at me anymore.

"Spencer, I'm not leaving you. Look at me." I grasp at her arms and she yanks them away, her breathing heavy. "Spencer, _please_."

"I can't, I can't have everyone know," she sobs out. "My mom will hate me, and Glen… Clay…"

"But your dad," I remind her immediately. "You dad can change their minds, okay, and they won't _hate _you, Spence-"

"They will. They _so _will."

"Hey, I've known them just as long as you have," I remind her, finally getting her to look at me by cupping her cheek with my hand. "Spencer, your family loves you. Yes, it will suck when they find out, but I know you've known that, probably for years now. And you have me, and I will never hate you, okay? You're the best person I know. You're…" I swallow hard as her eyes search mine, blue and watery and beautiful. "You're everything to me and I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You didn't deserve that, or anything that Madison's done to you, or any crap you've gotten from anyone. And I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure people leave you alone, even if it means taking every verbal hit myself, okay?"

She takes in a sharp breath when I'm done, then bites her lip as though she's not sure if she should speak. Her eyes don't leave mine and she finally breathes out, "I think…" Her breath hitches and she hesitates for another moment. I don't know when my heart started pounding this much. She swallows hard. "I think I've been in love with you for a very long time… and I just didn't realize it until this weekend."

My head swims, my chest clenches, and my mouth suddenly goes dry. Even if my mouth could move, I can't think properly enough to find the right words to reply. I'm not even sure if Spencer expects me to reciprocate, but if she does, I don't know if I _can_. She's had so much more time to sort through her feelings than I have. I know I love her. But _in _love with her? In love with my best female friend?

She doesn't wait for me to speak, just cups my cheek and leans in, gently covering my lips with her own. I never thought I could feel so at peace and so energized at the same time until now. She sighs against my lips and guides our kiss with a soft flick of her tongue, and then she's so close it's like she wants to sink into me. We're so close but it's not close enough, and I'm so warm, and she's so beautiful.

She finally pulls away. My mind races as our foreheads press together and she caresses my cheek. I still don't know what to say. "I think you should stay," is all she murmurs, and I nod and let her pull me down to the bed beside her, where we lay intertwined until her sniffling stops and she eventually drifts off to sleep. I stay up all night, deep in thought as I watch her rest and take in small things I never noticed about Spencer, like the way her breathing is so even and peaceful despite the stress she's feeling, and the way her hand is soft and smooth as it rests loosely in mine, and how her eyelashes only get prettier when they're shiny with tears.

By morning, I think I know what Spencer was talking about in my driveway the other day. What I was so scared of. What I'd always felt, deep down, but could never quite put my finger on, maybe because I didn't want to deal with what it meant. What I tried to convince myself I _wouldn't _be scared of, as if telling myself that I wouldn't mind it somehow meant that I couldn't be in denial.

What those two letters were.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Well, it looks like our journey ends here, guys! This is the last chapter. I had a lot of fun writing this and even more fun reading your reviews, and thanks again to anyone and everyone who bothered to give this fic the time of day. I can't guarantee I'll start another one soon, but I'd like to hope that this really has reinvigorated my love for Spashley and that inspiration will strike and I'll be churning out chapters for a new story in no time. Until then, it's been a fun ride :)**

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Madison's a fan of putting on a show. Spencer and I have both always known this about her, and so it doesn't surprise me that when I show up on school property at lunchtime -when Madison will be amongst the largest crowd- I'm right on time, just as expected. Spencer's eating lunch with Chelsea, and despite her decision to come to school today, she does look nervous and one look at her tray is enough to know she hasn't eaten much. She catches my eye and gives me a small smile, letting me know she's holding it together. That's her only job for today. I made this mess, so I'm the one who's gonna fix it.

Sherry and Aiden are over by their usual table, murmuring about something to each other, and I openly watch them from across the room, wondering when Madison's going to make her appearance.

"What'll it be, _chica_?" I murmur aloud to myself as I survey the room. "A banner? A poster? A cardboard display? How exactly are you going to try and ruin my best friend's life?"

Less than a minute later, she appears next to Aiden and Sherry with a megaphone in her hand. How dramatic. I immediately roll my eyes and start toward her, slowly making my way around tables and past crowds of students waiting to get food.

Nose-bandage and all, Madison steps onto the nearest table and turns on the megaphone. "Attention King High students." Confused, everyone turns to stare at her, including the lunch ladies. She smirks in Spencer's direction. Spencer swallows visibly, but she doesn't look scared. "I've kept a terrible secret for another certain King High student for a long time, and I think it's time we let everyone know the truth."

"Aiden has Chlamydia!" I shout loud enough to garner a few laughs in my direction as I arrive a few feet away from Madison. Aiden reddens beside Madison and she shifts her attention toward me.

"Oh, Ashley. So glad you're here; I thought for sure you'd miss the show after being suspended for acting like a crazed animal at the mere mention of what happened between you and Spencer Carlin last weekend."

Okay, I won't lie: that one got my heart beating a little faster. But I can't let Madison get the best of me. "Bring it on, whore."

"Oh, don't worry: you're way too much of a slut for one closet quickie to be a big deal." There are some noticeable whispers at that and I'm too worried to look in Spencer's direction. "The real story is Spencer over there. Good little church girl, perfect daughter, straight A student… isn't that right, Spencer?" The megaphone isn't necessary anymore and Madison tosses it aside, where Sherry barely manages to grab it. "Too bad your parents don't know what you're been doing with other _girls_ behind your Catholic family's back. Even in our very own bathrooms here at King High. How many girls has it been now? I hear you've even gotten a bit of a reputation." I finally chance a look at Spencer. She's so red. It's bad. When I follow her gaze I see why; she's not looking at Madison. Glen's in here. Madison must've made sure he'd be. And he doesn't look happy.

"So there you have it, everyone," Madison finishes proudly. "Spencer Carlin is a dyke. Ladies, watch out or she might be after _you_, next." There are a few chuckles and I know that must break Spencer's heart. My own heart's going haywire at the prospect of what I'm about to do, but I step toward Madison and roll my eyes, putting on a brave face.

"Oh, fuck off, Madison. What made you think it was okay to show your mug in public after I ruined it yesterday, anyway? Shouldn't you have waited until after your next nose job?"

"Very funny," Madison sneers. "Please continue. You have no idea what Aiden's told me about _you _that I could announce while I have everyone's attention."

I roll my eyes again, heading directly for her table. "You're right. And I actually don't care about what you wanna tell everyone about me, Madison. I really don't. What bothers me is that you're messing with my best friend. But honestly, this is LA… who _cares _about sexuality? Why is it even a big deal anymore? Yeah, Spencer's my best friend, and she's gay, and if I didn't find her incredibly hot, nothing about our relationship would've changed due to her sexuality." I hop up onto the table, joining a confused Madison.

"Wait… are you saying _you're _gay?" She laughs. "Wow. You two really are freaks."

"Well, as hilarious as that would be because it would totally humiliate Aiden, I'm actually not." I take a deep breath. "I _am_, however, bisexual, and there's nothing wrong with that. I thought I loved a guy once, and… now I'm pretty sure I've loved a girl since before I knew what love even was, and that we've both been very oblivious for a very long time. And that's okay." I glance to Spencer and we share a look that makes warmth bloom deep down in my chest. I can see her tearing up. With even more conviction, I address Madison again. "And you know what? Some of these people you're trying to trash Spencer to are probably gay too, Madison." Some kid across the lunchroom raises his hand with a shrug, and I point to him excitedly, grinning. "Hey! There you go. I knew it. Rock those skinny jeans."

Madison just stares at me in confusion. "You are so weird."

Ignoring her, I turn my attention to Glen next, who is standing nearby with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face. "Glen," I address him. "I know this isn't the way you should've found out about any of this… but you and Clay are like big brothers to me, too. And I know how much Spencer loves the both of you. And I think she'd be crushed if you treated her differently based on who she loves. Especially when it's me. 'Cause I'm awesome." Glen shoots me a disappointed look and shakes his head, but he doesn't look angry. It's a start.

"Which brings me to Spencer." I swivel around to face her, vaguely noting how bored and awkward Madison looks up here beside me now. Spencer's still smiling, though, and her eyes are shiny. "You're a total spaz and you left before I could tell you this this morning, so everyone's just going to have to hear me say it now instead." I take a deep breath and let it out. "You were right. I did the same thing to my own sexuality that I did to yours because deep down I didn't wanna face the fact that making out with girls was something I enjoyed a little _too _much. And you're a saint for seeing it and yet waiting for me to come to terms with it myself. We have this… weird, shockingly confusing and scary… but… _amazing_ chemistry, and you're also smart, and gorgeous, and funny, and patient with me when no one else is. You're so special to me, Spence, and you put up with all my shit, and I want us to be together for a really long time so you can continue to put up with all my shit, if you would like that also?"

She laughs, nodding. Chelsea is beside her and she looks so happy for us, too. Something tells me she's the least-surprised person here.

"Okay, so… I'm gonna stop putting our shit on display for like a fourth of the King High population now. Thanks, guys." I give a quick wave to the crowd and descend from the table, leaving an uncomfortable Madison behind and heading straight for Spencer. When I reach her, she stands up and I grab at both of her hands, and a few of the girls near us "aww" at us, which makes me wish I'd stuck it to Madison a little bit more back at the table. I can always go back and do that later, though. This is more important.

"Spencer," I start, trying hard not to grin. She can't hold hers back. "I'm kinda bad at this."

Her smile widens as she watches me warmly. "I think you did great."

"Thanks." For some reason unbeknownst to me, my eyes find my feet. I've never had to do this before and I think all my courage ran out around the time I jumped off the lunch table. "Um. We should date and stuff."

She giggles. "You're so dumb."

I nod, shyly raising my gaze to her face again. "I know. That's why you're so smart?"

I get an eye-roll in response. "Come here, dummy." She wraps me up in her arms and kisses me, and there are probably a few wolf-whistles and also a few "get a room"s, but I don't hear any of that. When we break apart and I finally tear my eyes away from Spencer's face, Glen is gone, which probably means he's not at all happy with this but he won't hate Spencer forever for it, and Madison's also gone, which probably means she feels stupid, which is exactly what I'd hoped for. My gaze shifts back to Spencer and she cups my cheek in her hand.

"I'm really proud of you," she tells me. "You didn't have to do all of that."

"I love you," I tell her abruptly. I mean it, more than I've ever meant anything. Her expression softens and she gives me the prettiest smile.

"I love you, too," she replies, leaning in to kiss me again.

Christine won't like this, and Spencer's family will take it hard with the exception of her dad. But if it means having Spencer all of the time like this, being out and proud is _so _worth it.

And from now on, everything we face, we'll face together.

"We're never doing this in a closet again, okay?" I murmur halfway through our kiss. Spencer nods against me and whispers her agreement into my mouth.

"Definitely not."


End file.
